Christmas Town at Busch Gardens

Well I am FINALLY getting around to posting our trip to Christmas Town at Busch Gardens!
It was really a lot of fun, and Sweetness and I really got into the spirit of the most wonderful time of the year! I will leave you with a whole slew of pictures to scroll through, without much commentary from me haha..... I am working on a great post for tomorrow about 2009 and what it brought into our lives!!! Stay tuned.... and enjoy Christmas Town!

An awesome candy tree in a bakery!

We decided to ride ONE ride, due to my severe neck injury. I can not ride roller coasters anymore. But This was us on the Merry Mixer and boy was it fun and soooo CCCOOOLD!!!!

My Sweetness under the most beautifully lit tree......

This was the Waterford Crystal tree. Every ornamnet on her was like $65 because they are all made from Waterford Crystal!! So pretty!

We saw real emperor penguins. So cute! The one on the right is actually sleeping!

We hope everyone had a wonderful CHRISTmas and HIS love was made real to you again!!!

Merry christmas!!!

We are over at my parent's house for Christmas, so I still can not post my pictures. Just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! Christ has been so good to us this year. I came up with a cool idea, I am going to do a long post looking back at this amazing year in our lives, to be posted on New Year's Day!

Stay tuned! Love you all and Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

Does it ever get better?

I know I am supposed to be posting my pics of our trip to Christmas Town and my new car. But tonight, I am trying to hold onto my faith. A family member called tonight to tell me she is pregnant. And bless her heart she has known for awhile- she's 3.5 months along- but she did not want to tell me until I got pregnant with this last IVF cycle. Well we all know how that turned out...... She was so kind to call me herself, and really tried to take my feelings into consideration, and if you are reading this, I really appreciate it. I really do.

But after I hung up the phone, Sweetness came over on the couch and sat down next to me and just held my hand, and well the tears started, and I just sobbed.

I am so happy for her, I am just so sad for me.

God never promised that life would be fair, but man I feel like I am the only one wanting a baby so badly. I really am enjoying my new job, they are keeping me so busy (hence I have not gotten around to posting promised pictures), and I really am trying not to focus on my infertility too much, but when these announcements come like all of you have experienced when you are still waiting, it hits the heart like a dagger.

Lord Jesus, help me tonight please. Have mercy on my heart. And my sweet husband is aching too, for a child. Would you please give us understanding, give us your heart, give us PEACE. I beg of you........

A New Job!

Hey peeps! Well things are definitely looking up these last few days! Today I landed an awesome job as a college professor! I am soooooo excited! Nothing like jumping right in though.....classes start on Monday at 8am! So needless to say I have lots of homework this weekend!

I will be teaching Anatomy and Physiology as well as Microbiology. I am up for the challenge. The Lord has really blessed me and I give Him all the praise for this awesome opportunity!

Tomorrow Sweetness and I are going to "Christmas Town" at Busch Gardens. This should really solidify the Christmas spirit for us, as it is now frrreeezing here!

Sorry I have not taken any pictures of my new car- I will post them tomorrow with pictures from Christmas Town! Have a wonderful Christ filled weekend!

Emotions

Well sorry I have been quiet lately. I just do not have too much to write. Thursday was a good and bad day. I will get to the good part in a minute, but of course the bad was another BFN on our second IVF. I really thought it would work this time. I mean I really did. But it was not in the Lord's timing, and it is so hard for me to understand why. It seems everyone is pregnant or has their newborn. Thursday night, I was listening to praise and worship music and the tears began to fall. I think I sobbed for about 2 hours. But I did feel better afterwards, there was so much bottled up inside that needed to get out.

I told the Lord how much I wanted all 5 of our babies that we have lost, I hope they know how much we wanted them. And again I prayed for patience and to yield to His will in our life. I do feel okay now. I am still looking forward to my first Christmas married to Sweetness. He really does make life worth living. He is so wonderful and supportive through all this madness.

And now to the good. Also on Thursday I had my second interview for a job as a college professor teaching Anatomy and Physiology as well as Microbiology. It went awesome. It really could not have been better. So the last step is on Tuesday I meet with the President of the University. If he likes me I guess that's it. They have already called and said they were working on making an offer letter! So it looks like I have gotten this job and meeting the President is just a formality.

Since I have had a company car for the last 7 years, when I lost my job in October, I lost my car. Well Sweetness and I have been looking for about a week. We narrowed it down to a Honda Accord or a Toyota Camry. They really are about the same and great cars. After Sweetness test drove them both, he said he was more comfortable in the Camry. So yesterday we purchased a 2010 Black Toyota Camry. It really is an amazing car! The ride is incredible! So this has lifted my spirits too! I will post some pictures of it next time.

But that is about all the news. We have an appt with Dr. Robin on Thursday to go over this failed cycle and see what she thinks may be the reason it did not work. Also see what she suggests. But we are going to have to wait for awhile to do anything else. We have spent $25,000 dollars and have no baby. The baby fund is dry. Maybe the Lord will intervene. Only time will tell.

Oh and thank you to all my family and friends who have called and sent sweet messages of encouragement. It really means a lot. We are doing fine and will bounce back. After all, it is the most wonderful time of the year!!!

Ending with a Scripture:

"While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn."

-Luke 2:6-8

AGAIN.....

Well as I predicted the beta was negative today. That's all I can really say right now.

I'm still here.....

Hey guys. I'm still here. Thanksgiving was a very nice holiday, but my mind has not been far from the reality at hand- still BFN HPTs!!!! So I know it did not work this time AGAIN, and really we are going to be done with this infertility road for awhile. It can become so all consuming and I don't want to keep living like this. I am still having a lot of cramping and my girls are VERY sore! I was hoping against hope that those were signs from the Lord that I was actually getting symptoms, but as a HPT today revealed, it was not to be!

Even though I am heartbroken, there is a bit of bright news. I received a call last Wednesday afternoon about a professor job teaching nursing students Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology. I sent them my transcripts and letters of recommendation yesterday and they just called this evening to set up an interview and teaching demonstration for later this week. This would be the first job I would have where you actually must have a PhD. I worked so hard for that degree but have never really put it to use. I knew this job loss would be for the best for me, and I really hope I get this job!

I know all you girls who have/still struggle with infertility know what I mean with what I am about to say. But I have prayed and pleaded with the Lord to let us get pregnant, I thought for sure He would answer yes in our time. Well, Lately I have poured out my tears to God and asked Him to help me accept HIS WILL for my life. If His will is indeed for us not to have children, right now, I can not say I am okay with that. But I am praying that my heart would yield to His will and be able to accept this reality, for now.

I am so happy for all my friends that are carrying their little miracles after such a long road. I will continue praying for all of you. Please keep us in your prayers as we try to step back from all the IVF madness and see if it happens naturally.

Don't worry I will update on Thursday with the official beta result.