a very bad day.....

So after I posted this morning with the news that the docotor who did my US this morning said we should start stimmimg tonight, I waited all day for them to call and give the go ahead. Well that call was anything but a go-ahead!

The nurse that called said Dr O wants to see me on Monday again for blood work and US, but he will make the definitive decision then. Most likely they will cancel this cycle, give me Prov.era to bleed and then we start with the BCPs all over again! I was sobbing on the phone, and said I can not believe this. They are saying now that my lining is too thick and that my progesterone rose 0.5 from yesterday, although my estro.gen has stayed very low where it should be.

Remember I went to the doctor last month when my period was ridiculously light, as I was WORRIED ABOUT THIS EXACT THING HAPPENING!!!! I was told, oh don't worry, everything looks great. And I stopped the BCPs over a week ago now and STILL have not had a period. I am just devastated.

I came home from work, threw my phone against the wall, and cried out to God. Why is He picking on me? Why do we have to pay $50 000 to have a baby and NOTHING goes right. One setback after another! Why? What did I do to deserve this lot in life? What? When all I have EVER wanted was to be a mom. I really let Him have it. But I think that is the beauty of a true relationship with Him, that He wants you to be honest and tell Him how you really feel- because seriously He already knows!

Then Sweetness rushed home as I was sobbing on the phone with him, and we snuggled and went to sleep for about 2 hours to get away from the whole situation. He assures me that our time will come, but I have tried so hard to be patient, why is my body not cooperating???????

So here we are. I will stay on Lup.ron this weekend and go back again Monday morning, but I already know the outcome. What choice does he have, how else to get my lining to thin out without making me bleed???? Sometimes knowing tooo much medicine as I do, takes some of the mystique out of life.

Thank you all for the sweet comments on Face.book today and praying for us so faithfully. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and prayers on our behalf.


On another note, I was supposed to attend my friend's baby shower tomorrow, but I had to text her and tell her I just cant. I really hope she understands. I don't want to distract or take anything away from her miracle, and right now I am so emotional from all these hormones, I don't want to embarrass myself.

So Sweetness and I are going to go shopping at an outlet mall tomorrow and try to distract ourselves and pray that God pulls out a miracle on Monday. I don't want to proceed when this is not right, but why do I have to continue running into all these complications????

Jesus, please heal my broken heart.......

An update!!!

Hey ya'll !!!! Just wanted to let you know, I went to the clinic at 730am this morning, and it looks like we are going to be okay!They drew my blood to check again for low estrogen levels, and then I had a new doctor do my US. I loved her, much more than my RE I think. Anyway, she said that I do not have a follicle. But rather it is a cyst, and so now on my left ovary I have 2 cysts.

She hopes that this will not affect my stimulation with the drugs, and after they call this afternoon with the blood work results, she is fairly certain we will begin stimming tonight!!! YEAH!!!!

I prayed that the Lord would line everything up in His time, and that He would make everything perfect! Just wanted to update cause I know some of you were waiting!

Thanks again for the prayers, and I will let ya know when I know more!!!

A Setback......

This rollercoaster is never easy I tell ya! So today as you know was my baseline day where we start the stimming process etc. Sweetness and I both took the day off, and headed to the clinic at 8 am. So they take my blood, and we coughed up $20 000 (it was painful) and then we headed to get the ultrasound.

Dr O says that I have a big follicle on my left ovary along with my resident cyst that is always there. How the heck do I have a follicle when I am on BCPs and Lupron??????? No one really knows.

So they were waiting for my bloodwork to come back and they would call me this afternoon, but he was guessing my estrogen was too high, and I needed more time on Lupron to fully supress my ovaries before we can begin stimulation.

Well he called at 3pm, and tells me that my estrogen is in fact very LOW, exactly where it should be. HUH????? So how do I have a follicle? Still no one knows. So I am not starting the stimming tonight for sure, but now I have to go back in at 8am for bloodwork and another US!!!
My nurse Lisa assures me this is not something to get upset about, that this happens quite often and just means my ovaries are very eager to get going. But somehow I don't feel that way!!!

Seriously my body is not acting right!!! I still did not have a cycle when I stopped the BCPs 4 days ago! I have no idea what is going on, but worrying about it is not helping me, and certainly not changing anything! So hopefully I will have more of an update tomorrow evening, and hopefully we will be ready to start the stimulation drugs.

Sorry there is not more exciting news tonight, but that's all I have. We just want it to be right, we don't have another $20 000!!!! Thanks for the prayers and I will let you know!!!

Lord Jesus, please calm my fears, and please let everything line up tomorrow so we can begin this journey that will bring us closer to our baby!

A Dream

Not too much to update right now. I am finished with the BCPs finaly, but I am still on the devil known as Lu.pron. UGHHHHHH This stuff is so bad. I have severe hot-flashes, headaches and oh the mood swings!!! They are so bad. Just trying to kep the end result in mind!

But just wanted to share that my Mom called this morning to tell me she had a dream. And you guessed it! In the dream I was pregnant! It literally makes me tear up right now typing it, and thinking it!!! I want so badly to let myself go there, but sometimes it is hard because the BFNs are so hard to take.

But maybe this was a little glimpse from the Lord of what is to come! I feel so greatful for a mom who loves me like she does, who aches with my heart, and rejoices over each step in this arduous process to bring us closer to our babes!

Have a great week everyone! Will update more after our Baseline Day on Thursday!

A spider bite and then to the ER!!!

Boy do I have a story for you guys!!! I mean it is so freaky, you will not believe what happened to me. So two nights ago my alarm went off to take my BCP. Sweetness and I were already in bed, as I was exhausted and trying to be asleep before 1030pm. So my cell alarm goes of at 10pm, and I jumped up out of bed to take my pill. I walked into the kitchen and just turned on the sink light, so it was somewhat dark in there.

Put the pill in my mouth, and picked up the Pep.si can I had almost finished drinking earlier in the night. Took a small swig of it, and BAMB!!! I immediately felt a ball of metal like pieces under my tongue, but it hurt like mad. So I immediately spit it out onto my hand, and I actually spit out a SPIDER!!!! Yes for REAL!!! That dude bit me under my tongue!!!

I screamed out for Sweetness, he comes running, and could not believe what I was telling him. He killed the spider and we put him in a zip-lock bag. Meanwhile about 3-4 minutes later, my tongue starts swelling, and my chest is tightening and I am feeling more and more desperate for breath!! I knew I was having a reaction to the spider bite!

So we threw on some clothes, speed to the ER, and they take me back immediately and pump me full of steroids and bena.dryl. Luckily it was not too bad, and they were able to reverse the effects. We were there forever, and bu the time we got home we were more than exhausted!! And strangely, they did not really want to see the spider or try to identify it, the doc was more concerned about my airway!

I am so thankful it was not worse, as it could have been super serious!!!

Anyway, today we finally began the injections! I started with my Lupr.on today, and I already am feeling super moody and very difficult to be around. Poor Sweetness, he has to live with this hormone-jacked up crazy woman. But I really feel like we are underway again, and it feels really nice!

That's about all the news for now. It is so blasted hot outside, day after day after day, I never go outside anymore. I mean we cant even breathe outside because of the humidity. I absolutely hate summer, this all has reinforced my love for winter!!!

Have a great weekend, and will update more soon!

We are moving right along!!!

As promised, here are a few pictures of our time with friends at a junior league baseball game. As I said in my last post, this was were Sweetness proposed to me in front of all our friends on July 26th , 2 years ago!!! I will never forget it!

Of course here is my Sweetness, looking well......sweet!

And when we arrived, it was raining of course. Then after a bit, the heavens cleared and this beautiful rainbow appeared from the Lord!!! Just beautiful!!

Here is a funny shot of our Sunday School teacher Frank and his awesome wife Katie! They are truly some of the most kind people you could ever want to meet, and Frank is the one who helped lead my Sweetness to salvation in Christ! A dear friend indeed!

The game was help at War Memorial Stadium, which I heard was built back at the end of WWII. We had an awesome time of fellowship, eating BBQ and baked beans. It was really fun once the rain stopped! Ha!

And onto the excitement at hand...... an update on IVF--

I had blood drawn at the clinic, and my estrogen and progesterone levels were perfect! So everyone is happy and we are to continue with the BCPs until 7/23, when I begin the Lupron injections! I received all the medications in the mail and boy am I loaded up on the injectibles!!! But we are getting very excited and trying to cut out the caffeine (per my RE) apparently it plays a role in fertility. But we are getting so excited!!

Thank you all for the sweet notes and facebook messages! It really means a lot to know we have so many praying for us. Next Thursday 7/29 is the Baseline Day and when this cycle will kick into full gear! I will keep you all updated! xoxo

Well all I can do is laugh. I totally forgot that Wednesday was my one year blogaversary after I had just blogged about it on Tuesday night. Oh well. I have been blogging for a year now and I am so glad that I started. My dream for this blog is that when we finally have our baby, to have this whole blog converted into one of those books, and then begin a blog about our baby.

I have to say , there has been so many things that have happened since we started our journey with IVF this cycle, that I have such good vibes about it working!!! I cant explain it, but EVERYTHING is falling into place. If it does not work then we can know we really tried everything, and I mean everything.

Tomorrow night Sweetness and I are going to a ballgame, the exact place where we got engaged almost 2 years ago to the day, July 26th!!! We are very excited to go and relive the place and we are going to be with the same people again too! So Fun!!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful hot July weekend, and I will post pics of our time tomorrow evening!!!