My Life-- filled with Sweetness x 3

Friday, August 12, 2011

On the Edge..... literally

Okay, so it has been 2 weeks since I blogged , and I know you are all asking me what is going on. Well the long and short of it is I don't know.

I have had sooooo much happen the last 2 weeks that I could write in detail but it all boils down to this. The birth mom is a pathological liar and we have finally caught on. The last time we were to go pick her up, she texted of course (b/c she cant talk on the phone) that she fainted and was in the hospital. And frankly as tomorrow approached, the day were are to go get her again, has neared I was waiting for some similar happening.

Well sure enough last night she texts to say she is in the hospital and something may be wrong with the baby. I freak, she then waits 47 minutes to answer me and says she may not be growing right. Huh? And then I knew, here it was, and she has now stooped to an all time low. She was now going to use the baby to play with my emotions and her lies. When I called her on her lies and called her bluff, she admitted it. I am so far gone emotionally. I am a COMPLETE WRECK today.

This whole time, she and I have texted all day, everyday and everything is fine, she's coming, etc. and now this. All she has to say is "I'm scared, I cant come" whatever, but the lies and manipulation is really too much.

So today she wont answer if she is coming or not. She texts about ice cream and all this other crap but will not answer the question. My poor class knows whats going on because they have seen me crying, but I can not comprehend why she is doing this. She said last night that Chloe is still ours, and I told her no she isn't if you will not come down here so we can afford this adoption. She calls me her best friend, and I have listened to all her drama for 2 months daily now, but yet no courtesy or concern to just say I am not coming.

So about an hour ago I spoke to the baby's father, our nephew, and he has been texting her as well this morning and he is at his wits end too. He finally forwarded a message he sent to her, and he basically called her out and cussed her out. Someone needed to say it to her, but I have too much invested, I never can say "IM DONE". He also believes she may be psychotic and has said he has a bad feeling..... I am scared. He is afraid she would harm the baby to get back at him. Its hard for me to believe that, but I don't know her so......

Here I sit at work, a wreck....... I need some serious prayer guys PLEASE...... I really feel like I could have a breakdown although I don't know what that would feel like. My heart has been to hell and back through all of this and now to end here??? God do you have any mercy on my aching broken heart?

I honestly believe this baby was made for us. The Lord has made so many things fall right into place. We even have found THE MOST AMAZING lady to watch her. My heart is so broken, so empty and so sad. And everytime I open blogger another infertile has gotten pregnant. It really makes me so mad that all these people complain and bellyache about pregnancies and all this and everytime they do IVF they get pregnant. Had one with IVF #1 and now pregnant with twins on IVF #2!!!! Really God???? And I cant even have ONE BABY after 5 IVFS?????? as you can tell I am done today.

There are so many pics of cute things I have bought for her that I would like to show you and post here, but what's the point really? And her nursery looks PERFECT, better than I ever imagined, and it sits empty..... the rocking chair never used and all the beautiful clothes, shoes, hair bows and onesies all ready to be worn. It will be a long time before I can go in there and sell it all. A LONG TIME..... WHY God???? WHY????!!!!!

I wish I could crawl in a black hole and come out in 5 years when my reproductive years are over. Pray for me PLEASE.

Monday, August 1, 2011

A few more additions to the nursery

Hello!!! Well last post I said I was hoping to get these new pink birds to add to our owl tree in the nursery. I ordered white birds when I ordered the mural, and the white was invisible on the wall. So below is a pic of the finished mural with the beautiful pink birdies!! You will also notice that we changed the glider and ottoman form the old one in other previous posts. This one is white wood and pink cushions....it looks so sweet. I CAN NOT wait to sit in there and rock my baby girl all night!!!

A couple of days ago we popped into Babies R US to see if there was anything from her Posey bedding collection still there- because the line has now been discontinued of course! :[ When we went in, we saw these precious soft blocks in the picture below that match her set that were not there when we bought the set!!! SOOOO sweet.

We also were able to order the hamper that matches it as well. There was only one left in a store in Cincinatti and I got it shipped to me!!! Cant wait to have all the beautiful pieces!!

And last but not least, we are starting to work on the walls now, and I had these beautiful letters made. I think they look super sweet actually hung up. I have been looking at these letters for over a year and now we finally hung them up tonight!

And I ordered another vinyl word quote to put on the large wall over changing table. I will post a picture when I get it in and put up!

Thank you all so much for all the encouraging words and cards and TEXTS!!! Speaking of texts- birthmom L is doing great. She did not come back with us 2 weekends ago for reasons I will not go into here, but ALL IS GREAT - and she even said tonight her mind is totally made up. SO that really does give me alot of peace. But my other nephew is getting married on August 13th in Maryland and then on Sunday the 14th we will drive north again and pick her up and bring her back with us until Chloe is born.

I know it sounds like a repeat of two weeks ago, but please pray for L, she is a very troubled young teen who is just looking for someone to love her and accept her. She has been through a lot so instead of getting mad at her like I sometimes want to, I have compassion for what she is going through and show her the Love of the Lord.

And my precious friend Robin is throwing me a shower on Sept. 24. I cannot believe it has finally arrived- MY baby shower- a day I have dreamed of!

Have a great week- and I will post more later this week.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Sleeping under the owl tree....

In my last post, I shared with you that we had ordered this awesome tree decal for the nursery wall. Well it came so quick- and I could not resist putting it up!!! So here it is, it was pretty easy actually. Here is our box waiting for us on our porch.

So basically you had to take it in individual sections and piece it all together. This is a pic of the bottom 2 parts of the trunk.

Then we had to get the ladder because it was so high to the ceiling. Sweetness did a grat job smoothing out those small little branch ends at the top.

Then we added on the extraneous branches on each side.... and voila!!! A whole tree, with a sweet owl looking on.

Now it was time to make this tree come to life.... We added on lots of leaves and still ended up with many left!!!

Then we added the 3 little birds that came with it. When I ordered this I chose white birds because I knew our walls were a light pink but YOU CANT SEE THEM AT ALL!!! So I have written the company to ask them if I could pay for the 3 birdies in another color. I just heard back from them, and they said for an extra $12 they would send me another set of birdies in a dark pink, which should look really nice!!! ..... I ll post a pic when can get them changed.

Here is another look at the birdies..... all 3 of them

And here it is all finished.... I really love it and I think it really brough so much life to the room. I just love it!! I hope you guys do too!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A new addition to the nursery

My friend has got me hooked on the website "Etsy." I have spent hours looking at all the amazing creativity of people in handmade crafts and other adorable unique stuff on there.

Well Sweetness and I have been trying to think of a way to spruce up her nursery, it just seemed TOO pink and white- it needed a pop. Well I think we found the perfect answer.

There are several shoppes on Etsy that sell vinyl wall art, it actually just sticks to the wall and comes right off with out damaging the wall. These are really cool. SO I looked a million of them over it seems and this is the one we ultimately decided on.

You can alter the colors on any of these murals. So because we have light pink walls I decided to change the birds to white instead of pink, but other than that I left the tree/owl and the leaves the colors you see in the picture.

I can not wait until it comes in and we can put it up!! I will definitely share here what it looks like.

Also tonight Sweetness and I rearranged the nursery furniture. We needed to move the crib to the largest wall to be able to put the tree mural there and the crib under it. I am happy with the new arrangement and feel like it is all going to come together nicely.

That's about it for now. It has been a nice stress free week at work this week. I gave my last final today and I am all too happy to be done with some of these students I had this term. They were so full of gossip and manipulative. Things got so bad that I had to deactivate my face.book account. I know some of my friends have asked why I unfriended them, that's not it at all, I just was tired of feeling like all my personal stuff was just out there for students to judge and gossip about. So I may get back on FB one day, but I have actually enjoyed not being so tied to that dumb website everyday, it's freed up a lot of time :)

But I will update moire soon. We are still on to go pick up birth mom L on Sunday. Hopefully she will stick to it and we will have her and baby Chloe here safe this weekend.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Chloe's Room

So we have been hard at work setting up the nursery for our special girl. We painted the walls the lightest palest pink. I love how it turned out. We finally got the white dresser in the mail and spent an entire night putting that together. I am very pleased with how it turned out.

Then we finally got the crib in after over 3 weeks on order. And surprisingly it went up in about 30 minutes!!! Here is a picture of it all done with her precious "Posy" bedding on it!!

And here is a picture of the view inside the crib of her little snuggle bears, and of course those of you who know my Sweetness in real life, knows he HAD to put a Snoopy in there!! :)

And then here is the largest shot of the whole room I could get all in one shot. I think it looks really cute. Just like I envisioned it to. The cover on the changing pad on the changing table matches the sheets too, its all coordinated!!

The only things left to do are to decorate the walls. Birth Mom L said she wants to help with that, and I am so happy to have her to help. We ordered wooden letters hung on ribbons that say "Chloe" that we will hang over her crib, and the picture sitting on the back of the changing table needs to be hung over the changing table. The beige bassinet will be beside our bed when she is brand new.

One other little find we purchased was her TOTALLY awesome Chic.co KeyFit 30 Stroller travel system shown below. This stroller and car seat has the highest safety ratings in every category and highest consumer ratings also. We really wanted this system but it is VERY pricey. I happened upon it on Cra.igslist for a fraction of what it costs new, and it was in PERFECT condition. It also came with 2 car bases!!! What a blessing!! I love the bright neutral colors and can not wait to use it!!! I have dreams of loading her up and taking her to the zoo and having people ooooing and awwwing over her like I do to all the new babies we see there. Dreams I have .....

So we are really almost there. We buy formula and Pampers every week, we are stocking up so to speak. We also bought the Tommee Tippee bottle system and can not wait to use that either.

As hard as last week was with the surrogacy cancellation, I am feeling renewed hope again and am praying this will all end as happy as we feel right now.

And most of you know by know that the financial strain we were under was MAJOR. WE have earnestly been praying the Lord would make A WAY. Well as of today He did. We got a call from the clinic, and we will be getting a sizable refund back from all the money I paid and did not use. That money will cover the attorney's fees for the adoption as well as the agency who did our home study that we still owe a lot of money too. HE REALLY CAME THROUGH FOR US- HE REALLY MADE A WAY!!!!

One last thing- If any of you out there are planning any future fresh IVF cycles and need some of the meds I have TONS of unopened meds that cost a fortune that I will sell at a fraction of the original cost. Send me an email or post a comment with your email in it and I can tell you what I have.

Feeling extremely blessed today......

Monday, July 18, 2011

A really great weekend.

Well this past weekend was pretty good. We traveled a long way on Friday and that evening, Hubby's best friend was married to his girl... It was so beautiful. Below is the moment they were pronounced, husband and wife!!!

And these two precious kids are 3 yr old twins, and they stole the show as they tentatively pranced down the aisle. Too cute!!

And this is a view of the church pulpit. This church was in Harper's Ferry, WV and it was actually built into the side of the mountain. It is a historic landmark that was closed to the public for the service. Such a romantic choice.

So after all the fun, we had the wedding reception at the 'House of Kobe' and they did the kaboob cooking in front of us, it was very nice.

Then Saturday morning we drove further north and finally met our birth mom L. It was so nice to finally meet her and hug her, and see her precious little baby bump. She is very short, petite and shy. She did hug me though, twice, and I think she feels quite attached to me. She is a bit needy, but my heart breaks for the conditions she is living in. Her parents are constantly yelling and berating her for being pregnant, this is why she is coming to live with us starting this Sunday.

Her friend is going to bring her half way to us, and we will then have her stay with us to find some peace and solace before the baby arrives. Which by the way we only have 99 more days to go!!!! Wooooo Hooooo!!!

And next Monday we have her first visit with my OB to get an ultrasound. I CAN NOT WAIT to see baby Chloe on the U/S live in front of me. I simply can not wait to experience all this knowing this is my baby!!

So all in all it went well. We did not get to spend very long with her, she had to go to work and we had to drive 8 hrs home. But I am anxiously awaiting Sunday and just start loving on her and making her feel like she matters to someone.

We have almost finished the baby's room, I will do a post about that next. Thanks for all the prayers. WE/she needs them !!!

Friday, July 15, 2011

What if your healing comes through tears????

Hi. Its been a HARD week. Probably one of the hardest yet in this infertility journey.

As I type we are on our way out of town to Harpers Ferry, WV to go to Sweetness' best friend's wedding tonight. He and I have needed a get away of sorts, away from our everyday surroundings and just enjoy life again.

I have been constantly hearing this song on K-Love, and the line gets me every time I hear it- "What if our healing comes through our tears?" It just sticks with me, but after all the tears I have shed over this, you would think I was healed at this point. But the song's overall message is that all these trials in life could really be Mercies in Disguise. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.

One last thing- please pray for us as we meet birthmom L tomorrow in Pennsylvania for the first time. She is not coming back with us this weekend. She promised she would come on July 24th, but I will believe it when shes actually there. She just has a million excuses so we are trying to be patient and let her come in her own time- as long as she gives birth in Virginia!

I will update on the visit as soon as I can. Love you guys!