I KNOW He is for me......

Well today it has rained ALL day! And it kind of signifies how I feel inside. I know that God is purifying me to be more like Him, but man this is a hard struggle. I wanted to celebrate this weekend so much......but it was just not to be right now. I have been listening to praise and worship music almost non-stop the past couple days. It does bring so much comfort, I know HE is with me always, and He sees each tear I cry, but this will take some time.



Sweetness and I are hoping we can get enough money together by Oct/Nov to go back and try IVF again with our 3 frozen embryos. At least we have them. Thank you all for the sweet text messages, emails and comments. It really does help to know we are being prayed for.



The song below is one of my favorites, "I know that you are for Me". Kari Jobe is such an amazing worship artist. I love to turn it on, and close my eyes and think of the POWER in these words! He is for me, He is for you! We love you all, and please keep us in your prayers and as we mend our broken hearts! Enjoy the song!!!!

PS- Remember too scroll all the way to the bottom of the page, and press pause on the black music box, so you can hear the song I posted!

Our Broken Hearts........

Hi girls. Well the beta test came back negative today. We are truly heartbroken. We are really trying to trust the Lord and His perfect timing, but man this is HARD! Sweetness is taking this so hard, bless his heart. Please keep us in your prayers, we just can not afford to go back and get our 3 frozen embryos right now. Believe me I wish we could. Why does this have to be sooooo expensive???

Lord, we know you have a plan for us. Help us trust you please, because we just don't understand. We love you and trust you. Be near to our broken hearts. Amen.

Our new kitchen floor!!!!

When I bought this house a year and half ago, I knew there were some "upgrades" I wanted to do, and well I have been busy dating my now husband, getting married, going on a honeymoon, and now we are getting around to doing some cool stuff with the house.

The kitchen floor was an eye sore for me from the beginning. Below is a "before" picture. The floor literally was just the slab of the house, and the previous owners put down some type of paint with speckles in it. I know.....very hot!

Well while we were doing the floor, we pulled the fridge out to lay the tile under it, and I don't know if you can see her, but Maggie wedged herself in between the wall and the fridge! She is such a funny dog.
Well without further ado, here are the "after" pictures. This picture is where we keep the dogs during the day, behind a baby gate. Their kennels are usually in this large space. But the floor looks so good, makes it look much more open!

Here is another shot, and there is my Maggie girl!

And this is the same shot as the "before" picture, just now with a new tile floor! Sweetness and I are so sore and tired. We both now have aching backs, but we are proud of ourselves, and more importantly it is DONE!!!!!

As far as where we stand with our babies, we are still in a waiting game. My mom has been praying the Lord would give me some peace or a sign. Well today, one of my doctors that I work with told me he could just feel it that I am pregnant! He delivered over 1500 babies in his career in the military, and he said he can just sense things. I told him I am still getting negative urine pregnancy tests, and he told me how many times he has seen this same thing very early on, and the blood beta test came back positive. So I believe the Lord gave me more hope today.

Sweetness and I are hanging in, and waiting for our miracle on Friday. I will for sure update Friday night and let you guys know the results. thank you so much for the prayers, we still need them!

Feeling Blah......and a quote

I'm just gonna post a quote today. Feeling kind of blah, wishing Friday would hurry up!

This spoke to me.....

"God knows when something glorious in the future necessitates something difficult in the present. Because He knows the glory will be worth it, God will risk being misunderstood."

-Beth Moore

There is still HOPE...........

Hey! Just wanted to leave a quick update! I just finished laying our new floor in the kitchen for 4 hours! My back is done! But I called the fertility clinic today, and the nurse told me that it is by no means over yet, just because I have not gotten a BFP on a HPT. She said it will not show up for two weeks, that's why they are not doing the test until 2 weeks after transfer. I know many of you who have done IVF have gotten BFPs on day 7 or 8pt, but she assured me that there is still plenty of hope.

I had my first cry about the whole situation. I have been keeping it all bottled up I think, and boy did it flow today. But I am holding on to the little bit of hope I got today. Maybe just a little nugget from the Lord telling me to hang on. HE will have the final say on Friday's beta test!

Thanks for still praying for our little embryos!

Home Improvements......

Well this weekend has been sort of depressing for me, since we keep getting BFN (Big Fat Negative) on the home pregnancy tests. So to take my mind off all this IVF baby stuff for awhile, we decided to pour ourselves into some LONG overdue home improvements. So we decided to redo the guest bathroom...... This is what it looked like to begin with. The sink top is yellow (ick!) and if you look closely you can see on the left side where the previous owners laid cigarettes and they burnt the porcelain! Soooo tacky!

This is the ugly linoleum floor, just yucky.....
So....... when we pulled the old vanity out, I kid you not, this is what we found UNDERNEATH the vanity! It looks like when they built this house over 20 years ago, they just put the vanity right in over all the trash on the floor. I mean seriously....... how disgusting!
Then, when we pulled up the old floor, the paper backing stuck down on the concrete. Sweetness spent 3 hours the first night scraping all that junk up! The brown towel on the floor is covering the hole where the toilet sits. It really was not a fun job!
And......



This is the finished project! It actually turned out very nice! The new vanity sink is bright WHITE, gone is the dingy yellow. And we ended up having to paint all the walls a fresh coat of bright white, and it look sooooo good!!!!

Notice the new floor we put in...... it really turned out nice!

And I love the new faucet we picked out! Yeah!!!! You will never believe how many problems we encountered in this little overhaul, but we did it OURSELVES, and we are very proud!

So then we decided to tackle another project that has been looming..... Let me explain! When I bought this house almost 2 years ago, the spare bedroom was a bright red color. So gross. So I painted it a very soft sky blue (perfect for baby boys :)) Well the closet doors that were on the two large closets were metal and covered in some disgusting brown tissue paper. So I had them taken down when I replaced the carpet in the whole house prior to moving in. Well, lets just say they have never been replaced, and we have looked at this the whole time......

Well tonight we did manage to get up one side of the new doors, also no small feat, but wow they look good! Why did I wait so long?????? This is a pic of the left side, showing the new sliding doors....... the right closet will get done tomorrow night. Right Sweetness????

Well folks,, that is all our excitement for this weekend. I wish with all my heart I had a BFP to report, but I don't. I have talked to several praying friends, and they are all agreeing with me to let God have the last word on Friday's beta test. I am still praying for our miracle, and trusting that God will have the final say, I just have to be patient, and anyone that knows me well knows that is not my strongest virtue.

Again, thank you for praying for us. Sweetness refuses to give up hope that our babies are still in there, and that really makes my heart happy. He is sooo wonderful, my greatest gift from the Lord (apart from my salvation). We will see what this week holds for us, hopefully reason to celebrate!

Ending with a scripture close to my heart:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop may fail and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior!"

-Habakkuk 3:17-18

On egg shells.....

Hey girls! Well I am still waiting on the Lord, because I have taken an HPT everyday since last Wednesday, and they are all BFN!!!!! I am getting really scared that this did not work. I mean how can you put in two perfect embryos and nothing happen??? I honestly don't think I really prepared myself for it NOT working....and I am now trying to bring myself to this very real possibility. I feel so scared, depressed, angry, and hopeful all at the same time.

I wanted/want these babies so badly, my heart hurts to think that they left me. Sweetness sill feels sure that the test will turn positive tomorrow or the next day, but I have been reading all these IVF blogs and everyone that got a BFP got it on like day 7 or 8 after transfer. Tomorrow (Sunday) is my Day 8, and I am still believing God for my miracle.

Please pray for me, as I struggle to keep positive and desperately hope against hope that our sweet babies are still here in me. Love you guys......