not exactly as planned.......

Hey gals- I know many of you are anxiously awaiting how today went. So here goes....

Let's just say it did not go as planned, but may turn out "okay" in the end. So they took me back to the operating room, and when I came out they told me they only got 5 eggs!!! What??? 15 eggs? No, FIVE eggs!!!! Needless to say I was not happy. I KNOW I had more than 5 eggs but obviously some follicles had no eggs in them. the Doc that harvested my eggs said that I clearly have low ovarian reserve, which basically means I probably do not ovulate each month or at all, and even when stimulated with these killer hormones I am not getting a good amount of eggs.

But 5 eggs is all we got- so we go with it. Then Sweetness goes to give his "sample" to fertilize the eggs, and they come back and say there is no sperm in the sample! Are you kidding me? This is from the same guy who they told last time that he had over 1 billion sperm per ml, and now none????? So after a bit of discussion with the doc, we remember that he is taking a testosterone supplement everyday because because his was so low- and he felt TERRIBLE, and it has a risk of DIMINISHING your sperm count- but obliterating it was not anything we expected. But luckily we thought ahead and froze a sample a couple months ago BEFORE he started on the testosterone medication. So they thawed out one of the tubes of sperm and they then came in and said that there was good motility and about 48 million in that one tube. So finally some good news.

So after all this drama went on, we were cleared to leave, and I was still very groggy, and we came on home and I have slept off all the anesthesia all day.

Honestly I am nervous about what they will say when they call tomorrow with the fertilization report. They ICSI'd all of them, so best case scenario is we get 5 great embryos growing as they should. The doctor working with us today said it is likely that we will not make it to blast day (5 days past fertilization). So if that is true we will have to do another 3 day transfer- and the kicker to that is it will fall on Friday and remember I have to throw a baby shower in my house on Saturday!!!! So my mom is on standby to assist if needed.

SO I have no idea how this will turn out but it feels so uncertain. I think there is NO chance we can ever get pregnant on our own with me not ovulation and sweetness now not making sperm on this medication! Ughhhh is an understatement. So I am asking all my prayer warriors to please pray for our little embryos that ALL of them will make it tonight-- their first night of life. WE REALLY DO WANT ALL OF THEM! I can not pray for only 2 to make it?!

So I will let you know tomorrow how it all turns out. Lord, please be with my precious little babies tonight- may we hold each one in our arms in November!

PS- I am sitting here watching my DVR show of Oprah from last week- and Celine Dion is on showing off her beautiful new twins. I am so encouraged to know that she conceived these twins on her SIXTH attempt at IVF!!!! I have some hope:)

Trigger tonight!!!

So in 3 short hours I will be taking my trigger shot (pictured above), and stimulating the follicles to ovulate the eggs I so hope lead to us holding our precious babies in our arms soon. I am feeling pretty yucky and really want this to be over!!! But I know it is for the most worthy cause ever!

I will be going to work tomorrow as usual and try to make it through a whole day- then Tuesday bright and early at 7am we have to be at the clinic to harvest all these eggs!

We covet your prayers during this time as we need as many eggs as we can possibly get- if this doesn't work we need embryos to have to do surrogacy with. Thank you for coming on this very long, very emotional journey with us. We could not have made it here with out our friends supporting us so completely!

I also want to give a shout-out to my special friend Tammy, who started her BCPs today in preparation for her DE cycle coming up soon. I'm praying for Tammy and so hope that this is your cycle sweetheart!

Almost ready!!

So went to the clinic this morning and we have some seriously large follicles!!! About 6-7 on each ovary! My estradiol has soared up to 1553 and boy am I feeeling yucky.

So the plan is as follows: trigger shot on Sunday at 11pm and then the egg harvesting will be Tuesday morning at 7am!!!

We are feeling so hopeful and really are praying that we can carry these embryos out to a blast. If we can they will be transferred back into my uterus next Sunday Feb 28th.

I will keep you up to date on all the happenings of our exciting week!!!

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Meditation CDs from Circle and Bloom

I have mentioned several times that I am doing a meditation CD set to try to relax and reduce my stress this cycle. Several of you have written and asked me for the name and I keep meaning to do a post about it- so here goes.....

The picture above is a shot of the CD set cover and I can not say enough wonderful things about this program. It is a 4 CD set from Circle&Bloom and they have a guided meditation that you listen to every day of your cycle from 3 Pre-cycle days all the way through the beta test, even special ones for the dreaded 2ww! So basically about 18 sessions, 2-days for each session.

I HIGHLY recommend this to women who are looking for ways to increase their IVF /IUI success and maybe can not afford acupuncture or other methods. The whole set was $69, and is fully refundable if you are not satisfied. You can download them or purchase the CDs, and it s made so that the Egg retrieval and transfer sessions can be listened to during the actual procedure! How cool!!!??? I really love them- they are not too long (about 13 mins each) and they are SOOOO relaxing I end up falling asleep. Which probably is not the best because you need to be awake to get the full benefit.

If you are interested in purchasing them please go to this website: Circle and Bloom.

Good luck my friends- and baby dust to you all!

Stimming Day 5

So after 5 days of stimming with 350 units of Folli.stim and 2 vials of Repro.nex each evening-My ovaries look something like this. Full of follicles!!! My estradiol today was 573 up from 202 on Tuesday!!! Its still rising nicely. The US this morning was pretty good- my lining is looking great (3 layers like they want) and the follies were about 10-12 mm, and it was estimated that I had 8-9 follicles that were big and right on track. We compared to the last cycle n this same day of that cycle and my estradiol was lower than today and I also have several more follies than I did then.

So we are trucking along- staying on the same doses of meds each morning and night and we will check back in on Saturday morning. It looks like they will be harvesting the eggs on Tuesday and embryo transfer on Sunday. This is perfect timing because I am throwing my girlfriend Amanda a baby shower in my house on Saturday Feb. 26, it would really not be a good thing if my transfer fell on that day.

I will take pictures when that time gets here so you can see the shower. I am actually doing okay with this, not emotional about it- just happy to bless a friend who I know would do the same for me if it actually was me.

We will go in on Saturday again and I will let you know then what the verdict is!!!!!

The eggs are percolating!!!

This morning at the clinic- I went in for my first follicle (egg) check of this cycle- and the bleeding had stopped completely!! So I am so relieved to not have to deal with that.

The US looked great- my follicles are still small but they are coming along at a nice pace. We don't want them to get big too quickly or they will have to cancel the cycle.

My estradiol went from 20 on Thursday to 202 today. So that is a nice rise- and I'm sure it will quadruple by next visit!! Thank you all for the sweet emails and comments on Facebook- they keep us sane as we get through this last IVF stimulation.

I turned in my FMLA paperwork to Human resources this afternoon- just waiting to see if they are going to approve it- I should find out really soon. Also, have not heard anything about the job opportunity that was calling and checking my references last week. Just trying to be patient.

I am still planning on being out of work from the egg retrieval (which should be about Feb. 24) until April 4, 2011 on my 5 week leave.

I go back on Thursday morning to get checked again and I will keep you posted!!!

Happy Valentine's Day

Yes it is the day of love..... all things hearts and flowers and red......

Speaking of RED- I just started my period! Yes I did- right in the middle of my stimulation. If you remember from this post, I did this last time I was stimming. I just called my favorite nurse Bethie- and she assured me not to worry. I go get checked tomorrow morning at the clinic- and we will assess then. She said worse case scenario is that we retrieve the eggs and fertilize them, then freeze all of them and do a transfer under a highly controlled cryo cycle. Ummmm that's not exactly what I want to do, but I will do it if it means not losing anymore of my babies.

Lord- please make this right and make it stop bleeding. This is not the time. And the weird thing about it all is the fact that it TOTALLY goes against everything we know about hormones. IE I am injecting all these drugs which increase my estrogen level to superphysiological levels, which in theory means you should never have a period- because you start when you have the big drop in estrogen and progesterone each cycle. So why someone tell me does MY BODY DO THIS????? It is so jacked up that seriously its no wonder I am never getting pregnant!!

I am trying to just keep the faith and know that it can all still work out. There is about 8 days before my retrieval and another 5 days before the transfer- so trying to chill...... take a deep breath in ...... and trust Him!

Well I am still at work and now I have to go inject my 5 shots before my class begins in 1/2 hour at 5:30pm. Yes I have to teach ALL DAY on Valentine's Day and don't even get to see my precious Sweetness. But I do love you boo...... more than you'll ever know. You are the reason I stay sane in all of this- you are my calm in the storm- my most precious gift!!! Your wife I will forever be. You truly are the love of my life!