IVF #4- Negative

Well friends, just as I already knew, my beta today was negative. I have sobbed and cried until there are no tears left. I truly don't understand why, maybe I never will, but I do know one thing through all of this. I have an incredible community of friends here on blog.ger and my faceb.ook account. I can not even begin to count how many of you have sent private messages to me and left comments expressing your deep sadness for where we are now. It really means a lot- and I cant thank you enough. I am still reading through all 30 of them- sometimes re-reading them just because they make me feel better!!! :)

So this is the plan...... I am scheduled for a hysteroscopy surgery next Friday, Dec 10th, at 8:30 am. Dr. O will be looking at my uterus, looking for any fibroids, scar tissue, endo, anything he can find that may explain the four failed IVFs. He will also take an endometrial biopsy to see if I have any type of inflammatory situations.

This is not very invasive, so I will have the weekend to recuperate before returning back to work on Monday.

Another interesting thing , is that last night my Mom came over and talked with us for awhile. And if you have not already heard me say this- I really have an angel for a mother- she is such a wonderful person and my best friend. Well get this- she offered to be a surrogate for us!!!!!! I thought it was such a wonderful offer. Because if we could go the surrogate route I feel certain we would have our baby- because we make PERFECT embryos!!!! The issue is clearly with ME- not the embryos.

My mom is a bit overweight- she would need to loose 50 lbs- but other than that she could do this. So she is going to start trying to get ready for this- and meanwhile we have 2 additional attempts we have already paid for that I must proceed with. I mentioned this to Dr. O this morning and he did not want me to even think about this until we finish our last 2 attempts. But they do this often- meaning women that are post-menopausal are able to be returned to a cycling state able to carry a child easily again.

And this may sound desperate0 but hey lets face it-we are desperate. If anyone in my family or friends circle would be willing to be a surrogate for us, we would LOVE to talk with you. If you are still in childbearing age and have had easy pregnancies and would be willing to do this for us- because you want to help us build our family- please let me know. There are several of my friends/family that I feel like could easily be great candidates for us, but it's difficult for us to just out and out ask someone to do this- we dont want to put anyone on the spot. Please prayerfully consider this if you feel the Lord tugging on your heart- and we would honestly never be able to repay your amazing kindness. But I believe something incredibly beautiful can come out of all of this!

Thank you again for your friendship and love and most of all- all the prayers. I know God hears even when our faith has disappeared. We will be parents someday, we just don't know when or how yet.

I'm off to curl up with the most amazing husband ever- with out him, I would truly be lost in this world. Thank you Lord for my Sweetness.