Tuesday, March 1, 2011


Well gals, I am a whole 2 days past my 5 day transfer...... man this is gonna be a long 2 weeks........ but I vacillate from being very hopeful to discouraged and what are we going to do next when this doesn't work??

But for now I relax, lay on the bed, watch TV, read books, sleep , eat some and wait for Sweetness to get home. That is about the extent of my day right now. But I am sooooo loving not being in that stress-filled job I have. It is amazing how much better my sense of self has improved not being there everyday! I'm sure when I cant pay bills because I am not working is not going to feel so great- but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

I did give the baby shower Saturday for my girlfriend Amanda, who is due in 4 short weeks. It went really well. I just do not feel like uploading those pics right now- but I will soon.

Oh and the nurse called today- the other 3 embryos we had all arrested and basically stopped growing. So we do not have a FET cycle to pull out of this shared-risk program. I think what we are leaning towards as our last ditch effort is one round of DE if this one does not work. We will get 1/2 the shared risk fee back and can put it towards that without having to come up with any more money. So we will pursue this in earnest if we have to..... I just wish I knew.

I just wish I was pregnant and almost about to meet our miracle, I just wish there was an easy way to do surrogacy, I just wish someone would offer to do it for us and it be easy, not so complicated. I feel like surrogacy is probably our best option because we do have pretty good embryos, it's just my "perfect uterus" is not so perfect- it clearly does not want to do its job!

So we may pursue a friend of a friend who has been a gestational carrier 2 times before and see if we can get a reduced price maybe??? I just want to be a mother, I just want to rock my baby in the middle of the night, I just want push my baby in a cute stroller, I just want to be a family!!! Why is this so heart breaking????

Lord please help me to trust you. Please help me to know what you want for us, help us please..... to be patient while we wait.