Friday, December 10, 2010

I have a perfect uterus..... but no baby......

Well girls, just a quick update- The surgery went well this morning. My RE came out and said my uterus looks beautiful, and the openings/canals leading down to my fallopian tubes both look great. Well isn't that nice? My uterus is perfect, but yet so imperfect that it has not accepted 11 perfect embryos. Ugh.... I can not even begin to express my frustration.

So where we go from here: I wait a month- and hopefully I start on or about Jan. 10th. I probably wont due to I know how stubborn my body is- but nonetheless, I will call him and he will "make" me start. Then we move on to our last fresh IVF cycle. Its scary to think about it- our last one. The money has run out- so this one will be it. And of course we have one more FET with the embryos we make during this fresh cycle.

If these last 2 attempts do not work we will pursue the surrogacy route- with either my mother or a friend. (Maybe this summer).

I am really at the end of my faith and hope- and I never thought I would be saying this. I have truly trusted the Lord my whole life and can look back and see His hand at work in my life- but this thing- this Infertility --has brought me to my knees, to the end of my faith as I question why a loving God whom I have served so faithfully and whole-heartedly would withhold this incredible blessing from us. The Bible says children are a blessing from the Lord- why is He not blessing us? What good possibly comes from my heart and Sweetness' heart aching in this indescribable way??? There are no answers- the silence is deafening some nights.

But we will continue to fight this evil infertility and see if my body will somehow respond and prove me wrong. I love you guys and appreciate all the support- I am just trying to regroup and move on down the road in this journey. I will update again soon.

Love and ***baby dust*** for all of you still struggling also- we are bound together in this pain.