Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Tough Decisions Ahead

So sorry I have not posted sooner- I have been a bit scatter brained as of late and supper busy.

Where to begin??? Well remember last post I said I had 5 friends finding out if they got their BFP through IVF cycles last week. Well 3 of the 5 are pregnant. I think that is about right statistically. I am genuinely happy for them- but it still reminds me of what I will never feel.

Moving along...... so we finally got the call from the clinic and as of right now, they have no embryos for us to adopt other than the 4 we have already (that can not be used with our surrogate). So that put us all the way back to square one. So our options from here are as follows:

1- find a new surrogate through the other fertility clinic in my area, with the help of money my amazing mom is borrowing for us. Then using the 4 adopted embryos we have now in her.

2- taking the 4 embryos we adopted and put them in me. (not a good choice I don't think-I just don't feel as if it would give them a honest shot at survival, I have absolutely no confidence or hope that I will ever conceive at this point)

3- go through IVF again and get my own eggs and Sweetness' sperm and use our own embryos in our current surrogate. But of course there is this Kell blood situation. So hubby and I have already had our blood drawn this week to see if our biological embryos would be compatible with our current surrogate. Both of us would have to be Kell negative. But this option does not solve our issues with what to do with our 4 adopted embryos.

So you can see we have a lot on our plate and so many key decisions to make. So I am trying not to stress or worry, and just try to let the Lord open and close doors where He wants- and that we would know for sure what His Will is- and we will go that path.

Thank you all for praying so diligently for us. I have felt so isolated lately- just hanging with my infertility group friends and they are wonderful- but there are not long standing relationships where people can just be together without talking (ya know those close friendships??) but I am hoping that several of these ladies will turn into forever friends.

I am ashamed to say I did not go to church on Easter- just could not handle all the pretty babies and kids in their Easter clothes and running all around- with pretty picture like families that we want so badly--just more agony on my heart. I hope the Lord will understand and He knows my heart well.

I will update again soon as soon as we know which option we will choose.

God Bless you all............