Saturday, March 5, 2011

Determined to have a good weekend

Well I am still not in the best of moods. I guess I feel I already know what the fate if this cycle is gonna be, yet again. But I am not testing anymore until the beta on Wednesday. It is what it is. But I am also determined to have a nice weekend with my Sweetness.

He really is my most precious gift and I am so thankful for him, even through all of this infertility mess, he has stood with me through it all.

I did speak with a friend of a friend the other night about surrogacy. She delivered twins 2 years ago as a surrogate and has 2 children of her own. But when I say expensive, I mean I don't even know how its even possible. My mom has said she is now going to begin the process with my doctor and find out if she is even a candidate.

I guess I look at his situation differently than my friends and family. Meaning if I had children easily like most of them all have, I would not even hesitate to offer to carry a child for them. I mean I can honestly say that with no reservations, and it just does not seem to be the case in return.

But we may have to ultimately try to learn to give up our dream and live childless, but I promise you I di nor know how to even begin to let go of the most deep desire I have ever had. Will I ever be happy without a child? I don't know and truthfully I don't want to find out....
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