Saturday, March 5, 2011

Determined to have a good weekend

Well I am still not in the best of moods. I guess I feel I already know what the fate if this cycle is gonna be, yet again. But I am not testing anymore until the beta on Wednesday. It is what it is. But I am also determined to have a nice weekend with my Sweetness.

He really is my most precious gift and I am so thankful for him, even through all of this infertility mess, he has stood with me through it all.

I did speak with a friend of a friend the other night about surrogacy. She delivered twins 2 years ago as a surrogate and has 2 children of her own. But when I say expensive, I mean I don't even know how its even possible. My mom has said she is now going to begin the process with my doctor and find out if she is even a candidate.

I guess I look at his situation differently than my friends and family. Meaning if I had children easily like most of them all have, I would not even hesitate to offer to carry a child for them. I mean I can honestly say that with no reservations, and it just does not seem to be the case in return.

But we may have to ultimately try to learn to give up our dream and live childless, but I promise you I di nor know how to even begin to let go of the most deep desire I have ever had. Will I ever be happy without a child? I don't know and truthfully I don't want to find out....
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11 comments:

  1. Heather, I wish that I could give you solace. Patrick and I have been trying (albeit not as hard as you, we decided not to do any treatments)for almost 10 years. I struggle with the issues of happiness on a daily basis. When you find the answer please let me know! Give Sean a big hug for me, and please know that you both are in my thoughts, and I hope that all of this will be a distant memory for you soon!

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  2. Sending you a huge hug right now.

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  3. Hang in there girl...God would never have put that desire in your heart without granting you those wishes. It will happen...

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  5. Please don't give up. In my heart I truly believe that you are going to be a mom. I don't want you to think about living childless, because you are not at that point. I wouldn't say it unless I believed it.

    And I will keep up the hope for you this weekend. Your beta is not until Wednesday? You still have hope honey!

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  6. I can't say I understand the pain my dearest Heather, but as your close friend I feel pain for you in that I know you are unhappy...everyones pain is different and desires different as well...my deepest prayers go out to you and Seany...I love you!!!!...Love Always, Kate

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  7. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and praying for good results for today!

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  8. Been thinking about you lots lately, and said a prayer for you this morning that you will get GREAT results today!

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  9. De-lurking.... Wishing and hoping the best on your Beta today.... the negative may have been a too early testing issue...(fingers crossed).. Looking forward to your next post.

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  10. Delurking too, to send prayers your way. So hoping this is your time.
    MindyE

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