Thursday, September 15, 2011

4 more weeks.... then Chloe

I am so sorry I have not written an update since last time. to be honest I am so broken i have not even felt like rehashing all that happens daily and my heart is so totally broken by so many people and things but ill try to here quickly.

First of all I am so utterly disappointed in my family. We used to be a very close, praying family, but most of them are so self serving and selfish. The invitations to my baby shower were sent out to ALL of them for the shower on Sept. 24th and NOT ONE of them have RSVP ed to come, NOT ONE of them, and I have a huge family. granted most of them are out of town, but none of them have even called to say congratulations on your adoption, or better yet I have read your blog and I am praying for you--- NOTHING!!! I have no use for them- so I wont even be telling them of when and if I do adopt Chloe. I am so disgusted with them, it breaks my heart really.

On to the situation. SO MUCH has happened since I posted last I do not want to type it all out but basically it boiled down to this. I paid to fly my nephew home to PA, he is staying with his father in the same city where birth mom lives so he can go to appointments with her and be with her in general and most importantly be in touch so he can know when she goes into labor!!! Today they went to the doctor together and the doc said the due date for October 17th is still on, and no scheduled c-section is on right now. He also said baby girl is very healthy!! Then they called me and my nephew said she has one "condition" in order to give us the baby. OK- what is it? He said she does not want me in the delivery room when she delivers Chloe. OK. That's fine with me. Then I break down, sobbing, literally sobbing. He says she is right here if you want to say anything to her. I said well put her on the phone, he says she doesn't want to talk on the phone. I said well probably because she doesn't want to be called out on all her lies???

I started bawling again and said "L, all I have ever done is love you and love your baby- I don't know why you have done any of this to me and my husband. All I want is to love your baby and give her a beautiful life. If you will allow us to do that we will be forever grateful, but I can not handle this being strung on anymore this way, you are breaking me down for no reason."

So she finally said she will sign my attorney's paper's in the hospital and allow my nephew to take the baby across state lines to Virginia with us to allow us to adopt her here. I am so emotionally spent, its like I cant even get myself together to work I have cried so much!!!

So the baby shower on Sept. 24th has had to be postponed for obvious reasons, I guess she really wanted to make a fool of me. And now tomorrow birth mom and her mother are going to Catholic charities. I'm not sure what they are going to do. But I asked mu nephew why he wasn't going, and he said his dad had him doing some things around the house. What???? He needs to be at this meeting to find out what is happening with HIS BABY!!!

It seems I am the only one all concerned about this, I have absolutely no control at all over any of this- and I just feel so lost, so hurt, so angry, so broken. Why do all my students get to sit around and talk about all their babies, and I cant even participate??? Why does this have to be sooooo hard for us, when people take it for such granted???? I have friends having abortions because it wasn't convenient for them, and the they get pregnant again when it works better for them.... ARE YOU SERIOUS?????


So now I sit and wait for that anxious phone call, that she has gone into labor, we drop everything and fly up there as fast as we can drive 500 miles, and see if she means what she says..... so I need more prayers and happy thoughts and good wishes than ever before. PLEASE don't forget about us this next month until I can write and tel you , my precious Chloe bug has been born, and she is in my arms!!