Monday, January 10, 2011

My worst fears came true...

Well it almost does not feel real. Is this really happening to me right now??? Yes it really is. This morning I met with the birth mom before her class and she said her soon to be ex-in laws found out she was pregnant on Facebook. And they are furious with their son for what he is doing to her and the baby. So she talked to her mother in law several times this weekend and she does not want her to place the baby for adoption. And now her mother is saying she will watch the baby and help her so she can go back to school too. So she said she is so confused but she thinks she has changd her mind. Yep my worst fear but one that I always knew could happen but was praying against it. She said she is seeing her psychiatrist tomorrow, someone who is neutral in the situation and help her "pick apart her brain" so she can figure out what she wants. Then she said she did not want us to hate her. I told her hate was not the right emotion, but of course I am going to be devastated and totally heartbroken. So she hugged me and walked away. She said she would let me know I asked her not to leave us wondering. She promised to call.

And then I made the walk down the hall to go teach my class. I felt my heart was crushing under the pain, and I was going to have a panic attack. I was proud of myself and just kept talking and teaching and the hours kept going by. I've called the attorney and the social worker and they are all heartbroken for us.

We really did just spend the whole weekend painting the nursery a pretty pink and got everything we needed for the baby. We were so ready for this. We are so ready to be parents, to love a little someone, and just be done with all this stuff and be happy and just live our life!!!

Thank you to all of you for your support. And by coincidence really we still had an appointment with our RE tomorrow as a follow up visit to out last failed Ivf, so I guess we are going to that and regroup and go for our last 2 attempts. I don't want to do this, my body is tired, and I don't know if it can handle this again but it will be the last time. Please just pray for us, for our heats, for our marriage to stay strong, for our will to line up with His. This really is a stressful day.
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