Sunday, October 31, 2010

Frustrated and tired of waiting....

Well today is Halloween- a day I do not celebrate in any way. I just hate everything associated with it. I don't begrudge anyone who chooses to celebrate it, but I just HATE this holiday.

But I have been in a bit of a cranky mood today, partly because I hate this day, and partly because I am sooooooo frustrated! I mean I am trying really hard to be patient, but I am now on cycle day like 60!!! I don't ever remember a time when my body has done this.....never! And because we are waiting to do our FET, it seems like my body WILL NOT cooperate! I have already taken a full course of Prove.ra and have waited the 2 weeks after the drug course to start and still......nothing!

I am not thinking about it all the time, I'm really not- It is just something that at the end of the day I think of and am like "I really haven't started today again?" Just so aggravated!!!

But a highlight of the weekend, was Sweetness and I went to a HUGE outlet mall yesterday about an hour and half from our house and got ALL our Christmas shopping done! Yes that's right, DONE!!!!! We also went to a Yankee Candle Factory outlet that is Christmas themed all year long and it was amazing!! I took tons of pictures and I will do that post sometime tomorrow at work, hopefully!

Thank you all for your faithfulness to pray for us even when I have not been updating my blog here much, but there really is not much going as we sit and wait for AF ya know? But I am still trying to stay current on all of your postings! Thanks again for the prayers and thoughts- they mean a lot to the both of us.

I will try to be in a better mood tomorrow, after all its November tomorrow and I am putting up my Christmas tree tomorrow evening-so I have a full 2 months to enjoy it!! Call me crazy or whatever- but WE LOVE CHRISTMAS SO MUCH !!!!!

Until next time- Prayers for all my friends waiting too- Lord Jesus please open our barren wombs!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Cycle Day 53..... seriously!

Wow- I am so sorry. I have not been on blog.ger in like 2 weeks. I am so busy and then so tired in the evening. There is not much to say. I have finished my course of Pro.vera to start bleeding, but of course NOTHING!!!! I think something is seriously wrong with my body. I mean really, I am on like day 53!!!! UGH!!!!

So if I never start, we will never have our frozen cycle!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Cycle Day 48!!!!

To say I am frustrated beyond belief would be a HUGE understatement. I STILL have not started, and I am on day 8 of Prov.era. They said it is normal to not start bleeding until after you finish the full 10 pill course, but man I am frustrated. So I have been staying really busy since so as to not concentrate too much on this cycle that can never seem to get started.

I will let you know for sure when we start doing something!!!

In other news, Sweetness and I are doing really well. We are both working hard and then we have started walking in the evening trying to get in better shape for when we get our baby!

Something new we have started doing.....we put some old electronics on Craig.slist and have made a ton of money! It has been such a nice surprise. It really is a cool deal, you have old stuff you are no longer using, and the other person gets something they want at a really good price!
We have made so much money that we actually broke down and bought ourselves an iPad that we have been wanting!

Sweetness and I are being good little children and sharing only one iPad between the two of us. It does do some really cool stuff, and the size is perfect, but I have to say I thought it was going to DO something supercool that other mac gadgets dont do. It really does not do anything more than my iPhone 4 does, and it even does not have a camera. But Sweetness loves it, and anything that makes him happy ,makes me happy!

Tomorrow I will do a cool post with TONS of pictures of a very neat fund raiser for Breast that has been touring in our area called the Bra-ha-ha. People have taken bras and decorated them with themes....and boy are they CUTE!! So stay tuned, and I will get it completed by tomorrow, as blogger is not allowing uploading of pics for the next couple of hours to due site maintenance.

Just wanted to let you all know we are still here, just kind of in an intermission stage at the present, must amazingly we are at PEACE!!! Love you guys! :)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A New plan!

Well guys this has been a crazy day from start to finish. So I have a few things to tell you.

I posted last time that I am soooo late- so yesterday I said I was going to call the nurse. So I did and she said my Dr wanted me to come in and have an US and blood work to see what my body is doing. They then informed me that it would not be covered under my "shared risk" program. So it would be $220 for an US, and $150 for blood work. I told them I could not afford that right now, so I would just continue to wait, hopefully AF would show eventually.

But the more I thought about it, I got mad. I called back and told my RE's nurse that I just paid you guys $29,000 and you cant give me an extra US to figure out where we are going from here. REALLY????!!! She then talked to the RE and he said he absolutely would help me and do it for free. THAT"S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!

I went directly to the clinic and the US showed a very thick lining, and 3 follicles which are preventing me from bleeding. Soooooo, my RE gave me a Rx for Prove.ra to make me bleed. Then we decided since my body typically has the very long cycles, and we don't want to have a cycle in the middle of the this cryo cycle- we are going to start the Vive.lle patches the day I start bleeding with the Po.vera. So all of that to say..... our transfer of our 3 frozen embies will be in about approximately 3 weeks!

I am excited, but not overly so. I guess I am just trying to protect myself here. I don't know how much more heartbreak my little fragile heart can take.

And BTW- yet another pregnancy announcement this week. My 20-something cousin is now preggers with her 3rd baby. I talked to her and and asked her if this was an "oops"- because she previously said she was done. And she tells me "Oh yes, total mistake! Birth control doesn't work for me (she got pregnant with baby #2 on BCP) and so we were using other methods, and we think the condom broke." Really???? I just cant believe people can be this fertile! It is so foreign to me that people can get pregnant so easily. She then stated she was not really that excited...... are you kidding me? I would DIE for that feeling- literally DIE for the feeling of knowing I was pregnant just once!!! I will NEVER ever take even one moment being pregnant for granted. **Sigh**

So we are moving forward and feeling good- tempered hope and lots of joy!

In other news, I went to my pain doctor again today, and he changed my medication again still trying to find the right one with no little side-effects, that's safe during pregnancy and that cuts this horrific nerve pain. So he gave me a Rx for a long-acting pain medication. I went to Walgr.een's to get it filled and it was $1298.00!!!! Seriously! I was floored, and even with my insurance my copay was $200! I can not even begin to guess how much money I have spent on doctors visits, procedures, physical therapy, and medication etc. on this neck injury the past 4 years.

I am definitely crying out to God for total healing. I would appreciate any prayers you may offer up on my behalf asking the Lord to heal my neck. This pain has been so severe this past 3 weeks, I go to work and come straight home and lay on my back on a heating pad on my neck all night. I want to do all this stuff with my amazing husband and go for evening walks now that it is cooler etc. and I just cant. Hopefully this new medicine will help. I will let you know~ Thanks ahead of time for all your prayers!

I hope all you guys are well, I am still following your blogs and praying for you too as we all dream of the day we get our BFP!!! Thanks again for all your support, I don't know what I would do without you all to vent to! It great to know there are women out there that truly understand all these crazy emotions that go along with this rollercoaster we are on. Ya'll have a fabulous and fantastic Friday tomorrow :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Still waiting

Ok, I still have no AF!!! I am on day like 41!!! This I believe is at the root of my infertility. My hormones and schedule are so irregular! I am kind of worried, and also kind of over the whole thing.

So its not that I have quit blogging, but I don't have much to say these days and they continue to pass by and nothing!! I will update when I know more- I am going to call the doctor today and see what he thinks.

Have a great Wednesday ya'll!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

On My Knees

Well the days have been really flying by. I cant believe another week is almost over!

We have a tentative plan. We are waiting for AF to show, I'm now on day 35, I wont even bother with a HPT, we all know what it will say anyways. So whenever I do start, we will begin BCPs, and then after 2 weeks on them, we begin Lupron for 2 weeks. Then hopefully have a period, then start the Vivelle patches. gradually increasing my estrogen to mimic a normal cycle. My RE is doing all this to suppress my ovaries to be sure I don't bleed in the middle of the cycle again!

We feel hopeful, but in an odd way at peace. I am not allowing this to consume my every thought and I don't feel so stressed. Sweetness and I have bonded over this struggle with infertility. He and I have really cemented our marriage and our bond with one another- and we will last a lifetime for SURE- maybe even an eternity! I love him with everything I am, I can not imagine being more in love with someone than I am with him. And to think I never thought he would show up in my life- but here he is. Going through this is hard enough without having a husband that is checked out of the process. I am truly blessed in my marriage.

So I don't know how many of you watched the "Rally to restore America" hosted by Glenn Beck in August. But one wonderful thing he said in that speech was to pray openly on your knees and let your children see you on your knees so they will learn to acknowledge the Lord's sovereignty. Well I pray all the time, but after he said that, I thought "You know , I should really pray on my knees more".

I have started doing that more and more, and just the act of kneeling in submission to a holy, amazing God has really been awesome! It has given me a new appreciation for prayer and the power it can have in one's life! I know God hears me, I know He sees our pain, and he will fulfill our dreams and desires with what is best for us, I know that full well.

Sweetness and I pray nightly together, but I also think its important for every one to have their own individual prayer time with the Lord. So my knees are blistered, but there is no better ache than to kneel before the King!

I hope you guys have a great week! Thank you for all your prayers on your knees on our behalf! God hears them all!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

My first visit with Brehanna

This past Friday I was off from work as it was the end of the 5 week term at work. So I decided to finally go visit my good friend Robin and her new baby Brehanna. I have not been over because of my obvious pain, but it was time for me to put the pain away and go celebrate the miracle of life with my friend. Here is Robin and her precious one.
Then it was my turn to hold her. I held her for about an hour, and it felt wonderful! There were certainly some tears, but it was so nice. When I first started holding her, she was wide awake and smiling at me! Then I rocked her to sleep, but it was truly a wonderful feeling to hold a newborn.
And here she is when she was wide awake, and talking to me..... looking perplexed here.....

then, kind of excited.....

Tthis was their 1 yr old dog Bailey. Boy was she hyper! She was fun to play with and I played fetch with her after holding the baby. Cute doggie!

This was such a nice visit, such a much-needed visit. I have not had a real long face-to-face talk with a close friend about this heart-wrenching journey I am on, until that day. I cried, she cried with me, and we felt the hand of God. It was food for my soul.....