Happy Friday!!!

I can not tell you how happy I am to see this friday of this very long week!! I hope you all enjoy it and have a really wonderful Memorial Day holiday this weekend.

So why was this week so hard, it wasn't really hard per say but I did experience some weird emotions.

Last Friday evening at 530pm my grandfather from my father's side passed away kind of unexpectedly. My parents divorced when I was like 5 but my father left when I was a mere 9 months old. So to say this side of my family and I were close that's not really true, however I have made many efforts in my life to do what these adults should have done all along. But to no avail, it was always strained and very controlling side of the family.

So when I got the word from my father (of which I also am not extremely close) it brought an onslaught of unexpected emotions. Mainly I think because of all the could-have-beens and wishes from a child's view that maybe have never really fully been healed.

Today is the burial in Quantico, VA and I will not be attending that part, but I do hope there is peace in the family after his death and that my grandmother lives many more years of happiness..... One day I also hope the little girl in me longing to be accepted by my dad's family
will be completely healed.....

Rest in peace Grandad.....
and Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone!!!!

Not much news right now

As my title says there is not much going on right now. My surrogate and I are both on birth control pills. But we will be on them longer than I had hoped or envisioned because of several reasons. The main one is because my surrogate was on a birth control patch trial at our medical school, and she basically had break through bleeding much of the month on that patch. So when she finally was able to with drawl off the trial, my doc did and US and said her lining was too thin to just jump in. So he wants her on a full pack of BCPs and then have a cycle, and then we will get going.

I am just feeling so badly on these BCPs and if I ask for them to be changed then it would only further prolong this whole thing. So I suffer through and lay down most evenings, and Sweetness is exactly that Sweet. He loves me and boy do I love the way he loves me. He takes such wonderful care of me and I am so grateful I get to walk through this life and this adventure with him.

I will post later this week about a few events of the last week, that really have nothing to do with IVF or babies exactly, but important nonetheless.

Blessings to you this week, and my thoughts and prayers are with those of you in Joplin, MO and others devastated by these horrible tornadoes this week. Lord be merciful to them please.

Love you guys!!!!

moving along....

So I am teaching my class this morning and I let them out on a break, and I see I have a missed call from my clinic. Shoot! Of course I miss THAT call! Well after I listened to the message I was even more panicked. Dr. O left the message himself, and he asked me to call him back right away. Can't. Be. Good.

So I called him back right away, and to my great surprise, he did not have bad news!!!! Yeah for small miracles. He even said himself that he is happy to be calling me for once with good news..... that's when you know you have been doing infertility treatments too long..... lol

So anyway, he told me the surrogate's testing came back fine and we are ready to roll!!! So the coordinator will call me today and give me the calender for myself and my surrogate, and she will start the pills today. I have already been on them for a week.

I am very happy to say the least!! So we will be getting our meds filled and be on our way. By the way, they did find Lupron in the country for us to have to regulate our cycles. Awesome!!!

So that is our update- all systems go and I could not be more thrilled! Thank you Lord for lining all this up for us!

Until next time.....

We finally pulled the trigger!!!

I can not tell you how happy I am to finally post this...... We finally have pulled the trigger!!! What does that mean you ask? Well it means that me and the surrogate have started taking birth control to line up our cycles and get us synchronized!! I hav enever been so happy to go on birth control!

There may be an issue with Lupron, as it seems to be out of stock conutry wide, I guess an issue with the manufacturer. But I am going to let my clinic worry about it, not me. I stress too easily!

In other news, the last of the Kell protein tests finally came back yesterday, and everything is great! No issues with that finally!!!

My surrogate went to the clinic yesterday and had all her tests done, bloodwork, pap smear, HSG etc. She said my doctor said everything was great, the only risk factor is that this will be her 4th pregnancy, BUT many people carry 4 pregnancies all the time. So basically she is a perfect candidate!!

I am feeling really good about all this now, except for the fact that I have to undergo yet another round of IVF, I hate it so much and I feel so awful through the whole thing- but I will do it because I feel like this is it!!!

I will update more later- I have to run to clas now, gotta teach my childrens!! LOL

Tying up loose ends.....

Hey peeps! Just another update..... but things are heading in the right direction!!! FINALLY!!

Lots of small ends are starting to get tied up and that is making me very happy!

I went in today to the clinic, and had my blood drawn so they can see where I am in my cycle. I am so irregular that I may not "start" until 60-90 days from now. So based on my estrogen and progesterone levels from today, I will most likely be put on 3 weeks of birth control pills and then begin the last stimulation of my life!!!

My surrogate has been great!! She is trying so hard to help get everything in order. So tomorrow she goes into the clinic for her baseline appointment. She will have a hydro sonogram to make sure her uterus has no polyps etc., then some blood work to see where she is in her cycle. So they can ultimately line us up! She already got a full STD panel done as well as her Pap. We are making lists and crossing items off quickly!!

I cant believe its actually starting it looks like!!!

In stark contrast to my wonderful events of the past couple days, I have some very sad news to report about my friend. Remember a couple weeks ago I had 5 different friends finding out if they were pregnant?--- well one of the 3 that were pregnant, was my special friend from my infertility support group. Well she had amazing numbers (a 550 first beta) and was progressing perfectly. Last Thursday she was T-boned on her drive home from work. A guy did not yield on the solid green light with no arrow and hit her. She was okay, just banged up, went to the ER by ambulance to check on the baby, and today she went back to the infertility doctor to check again. The heartbreaking news came this morning that there was no heartbeat or growth since Thursday.

I have felt so broken and sick since I found out this afternoon. Why is this all so hard and unfair??? She is such an amazing lady and she worked so hard to get this beautiful baby- and now here she is waiting to start bleeding. I am so heartbroken for my special friend. If you would offer a prayer up for her tonight- I know she would appreciate it!

Thanks again everyone for your amazing support. Its gonna be a good month- I began a whole new semester this morning at my job- whole new group of students and its gonna be great!!!

I will post later this week a few pictures of the amazing weekend we had with my grandmother celebrating her 85th birthday! It was indeed great!

Blessings to you...........

Very Tough Decisions

I did not mean to keep you guys waiting about the Kell test results, but from the moment we got them- there has been one hurdle after another. So first off, both Sweetness and I are Kell negative!!! Very good results- so now we can safely use our surrogate without putting her in harm's way or jeopardizing our children.

But with that news came a flood of other concerns that are way too much to type here and you are probably not interested in all of them, but just suffice it to say we have gone from having so much hope and moving on- to everything has halted and we cant move forward (mainly because of very strict FDA laws concerning frozen tissue)- to today we now have a plan and are moving forward again.

Sweetness and I talked in depth last night about where we are, what our long term plan is, and what we are feeling right now. We both want this so badly, but we do ask ourselves why are there seeming to be so many roadblocks?? I love our surrogate and really want to use her, and do not want to pay more money and be matched with another one and go through all this screening testing again. its just too much, but the blood issue she has, has really thrown my clinic into unchartered territory.

I think we are past all the drama for now- and I am feeling very good this morning that we will finally move forward. So today I will stop by the clinic hopefully, and get a blood smple taken and they can determine where I am in my cycle, and begin to line up my and the surrogate's cycles. I also will have to write that dreaded check for all the money for the VERY last IVF cycle I will ever do. Then they can order the meds for her and I and get this party started!!!

That is all the news for now.

This weekend is going to be so fun. My grandmother turns 85 on Friday, and for the first time in over 20 years, all 8 of her daughter's are flying in to surprise her and spend the weekend at my mother's home (wher my grandma lives). I can not wait to see her face when she sees all her daughter's together again. She is so weak and frail, I am very afraid she will not last long after this. But this should make her very happy!!

I will post some pictures later of all the festivities!!! Have a great rest of the week!!! Love you guys!

A Broken Hallelujah

I came accrross this song the other day that has really met where I am.

I feel I am at a very real crossroads in my life. We still have no word on test results as of yet- but several things have happeed recently that I just feel like I am so broken, and so bruised...... all I can really offer Him is a broken hallelujah. But maybe that is enough.........