Friday, March 11, 2011

The Darkest Night----just before the dawn

So here I am a day later and feeling so much better. I am somewhat sorry I wrote all I wrote yesterday, but this is my place to vent and journal and it was really where I was and how I was feeling. I thank all of you who have commented and understood where I was- and told me it was okay to grieve. It meant a lot. For the one person that commented and started judging- I deleted your comment- and if you don't have something nice to say or don't like what I have to say- then don't click or come to this site. Good? Great!

Now onto some hope-filled news. I am a member of a fertility board and through a series of a couple of friends, I was put in contact with a young woman who was looking to donate her 4 remaining embryos to a couple in need. She and I have been conversing and praying about it- and she is still as yet undecided- but she is leaning towards donating them to us. She is done having children and certainly does not want them destroyed.

Also I spoke to my clinic director this morning and presented her with a scenario and asked if they would be open to it. She just called back and said yes!!! So what is the plan you ask?

I proposed that we be given our full refund of 1/2 the shared-risk plan fee (which is what was agreed upon in the contract) and in addition so I use a surrogate and give these precious ones the best shot at life- if they would give us a free cryo cycle for our surrogate to implant the embies into her uterus. And they AGREED!!! What a blessing!! That is a savings of about $4200!!!!!

So we are still going to be about $5-10,000 short so I am going to look into taking a part-time job doing whatever I have to do to try to raise this money during the time she is pregnant. I hope with the Lord on our side- He will line it all up. I am going to have to trust Him that He is bringing all this together- and do the best I possible can.

It is all still in very preliminary stages- and the donated embryos are not certain yet- but I just wanted to let my special friends (on here and in real life) that truly care about me and have cried and prayed with/for me during the past 48 hours. Your prayers for peace and hope are being heard and fulfilled!!! Thank you for standing in the gap!


  1. I've never posted a comment, but I have been following your journey faithfully. After reading your post yesterday, I was in the worst mood. I don't KNOW you, but I felt your pain and heartache. I know you will be the best mommy one day. I am soooo happy to hear about these new developments. It just goes to show that even in your darkest days, God does show you the light. I will be praying for you!

  2. Definitely praying! Thanks for sharing the hope with us.

  3. So thankful the Lord has encouraged you and given some glimmers of hope. I know there will still be many painful moments ahead, but I trust that the Lord will continue to provide. Continuing to think of you.


  4. My church family and friends continue to keep you in our prayers. They don't know you at all and I haven't seen you since High School but they will ask me "Are there any new updates on Heather & Sean". Your strength and faith continue to be an inspiration to so many. I follow your blog and FB and pray for you guys daily. It is wonderful that everyone's prayers for peace and hope have been heard. May you continue to feel his loving embrace as he guides you through this difficult journey. The prize at the end will make it all worth it!

  5. I know you do no not know me and I have only recently came across your blog..I can not even begin to understand what a difficult journey you have been through, I completely understand the desire to want a child to call your own and I truely hope this next plan works out for you..With that said, might I make a suggestion, I can feel your need to have children be a part of your life..I am a testiment of what a difference an amazing foster parent can do in a childs life ...I was only fostered for one year with one family and it has made all the difference in the world of who I have become in my life and my foster parents meant more to me then my own biological mother...I know fostering children is not for everyone (I personally can not do it), but often times I think it is not viewed as a option for infertility couples with a desire to have children in their lives...I am not saying this to guilt you into it, but to maybe put that small amount of hope in the back of your head that this might be a possibility...I wish you the best of luck and will be praying that you will be able to hold a baby of your own

  6. Great News! You and Sean are always in my thoughts and prayers!!


  7. Hi, its lynne from the other site :). I am so happy for you, this is great news. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Hang in there!

  8. Oh Heather:(
    My heart breaks for both you and Sean, from the day I first knew you, I knew you always wanted to be a mom...I know there is nothing I can say to take away the pain and hurt...the only thing I can say is that I love you and still pray for there to be a baby to come into your life to be a mom, whatever way it looks as though this might be a glimpse of hope in your latest my prayers stay with you and I pray for a blanket of healing and a little peace in these days to come.
    All My Love,