Gut wrenching decisions.....

So it's only 11am but it has already been such a gut-wrenching day, full of tough decisions. So here is the low-down. We got 5 eggs from this cycle- all 5 were mature- and all 5 fertilized. That was Tuesday- fast forward to today when I had to go to the clinic for a possible 3-day transfer, and we now have 4 perfect 8-cell embryos!! One died at 2 cells and is no longer viable!

So as we sat down and discussed our options, we felt so torn, this is why...... All along we have been wanting to do a 5-day or blast transfer. We have never done one and after 4 failed IVFs and 11 perfect embryos on day 3 and all BFNs, we felt we had to try something different. SO the agony came in today as to whether to try to take all 4 to blast (Day 5) or do a Day 3 transfer today.

Sweetness was so torn, bless his heart. We want this so badly, and we want all 4 our babies to become perfect living, breathing babies we can bring home. But getting there is the hard part. We asked about just taking 2 to blast and freezing the other 2 on Day 3 (today). They highly advised against that , saying we don't know if the 2 we choose to go to blast will even make it there- and then you have no fresh cycle which is a better chance at getting pregnant.

Ughhhh the debating and praying and analyzing was so hard. But after much prayer and consideration, our best educated and prayed-out decision was to try to take ALL 4 TO BLAST.

Now I know the statistics are only 50% of Day 3 embryos make it to blast stage, but we feel like we will always wonder for the rest of our lives if we did not try this before we quit fertility treatments. Please know that there is a chance that all 4 could not make it and we have nothing to transfer. We rebuke that in Jesus' name- but we have to prepare ourselves for it nonetheless.

So here I am back at home, preparing for the baby shower I am throwing tomorrow, which by the way will be much easier since my transfer was not today. But I am praying a hedge of protection around our 4 precious babies, and asking God to be a BIG God in our lives this weekend, and show those doctors that all 4 can make it to blast stage!!! All four, not 2 but all 4! We are trusting the Lord completely. We want His will to be done in our lives.

We can rest knowing that if He wants us to have these babies, nothing will get in the way; if He doesn't have that for us, then nothing is going to work.

So we are begging all of our prayer warriors, and special friends who are walking in this journey with us- to pray with out ceasing until Sunday morning that all of our precious little ones make it- and LIVE!!! We know that this is not too big for God??!!! He can and will do it! We claim it!

Thanks again for all the love and support, we COULD NOT do this with out you guys!

Quick Fertilization report

Just to let you guys know that all FIVE eggs fertilized normally and are growing!!!! This is such an answer to prayer and we are so grateful for this chance again. Please don't let up praying for our little ones.... Lord protect them until we are together again!!! Thank you all soooo much!!!!

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not exactly as planned.......

Hey gals- I know many of you are anxiously awaiting how today went. So here goes....

Let's just say it did not go as planned, but may turn out "okay" in the end. So they took me back to the operating room, and when I came out they told me they only got 5 eggs!!! What??? 15 eggs? No, FIVE eggs!!!! Needless to say I was not happy. I KNOW I had more than 5 eggs but obviously some follicles had no eggs in them. the Doc that harvested my eggs said that I clearly have low ovarian reserve, which basically means I probably do not ovulate each month or at all, and even when stimulated with these killer hormones I am not getting a good amount of eggs.

But 5 eggs is all we got- so we go with it. Then Sweetness goes to give his "sample" to fertilize the eggs, and they come back and say there is no sperm in the sample! Are you kidding me? This is from the same guy who they told last time that he had over 1 billion sperm per ml, and now none????? So after a bit of discussion with the doc, we remember that he is taking a testosterone supplement everyday because because his was so low- and he felt TERRIBLE, and it has a risk of DIMINISHING your sperm count- but obliterating it was not anything we expected. But luckily we thought ahead and froze a sample a couple months ago BEFORE he started on the testosterone medication. So they thawed out one of the tubes of sperm and they then came in and said that there was good motility and about 48 million in that one tube. So finally some good news.

So after all this drama went on, we were cleared to leave, and I was still very groggy, and we came on home and I have slept off all the anesthesia all day.

Honestly I am nervous about what they will say when they call tomorrow with the fertilization report. They ICSI'd all of them, so best case scenario is we get 5 great embryos growing as they should. The doctor working with us today said it is likely that we will not make it to blast day (5 days past fertilization). So if that is true we will have to do another 3 day transfer- and the kicker to that is it will fall on Friday and remember I have to throw a baby shower in my house on Saturday!!!! So my mom is on standby to assist if needed.

SO I have no idea how this will turn out but it feels so uncertain. I think there is NO chance we can ever get pregnant on our own with me not ovulation and sweetness now not making sperm on this medication! Ughhhh is an understatement. So I am asking all my prayer warriors to please pray for our little embryos that ALL of them will make it tonight-- their first night of life. WE REALLY DO WANT ALL OF THEM! I can not pray for only 2 to make it?!

So I will let you know tomorrow how it all turns out. Lord, please be with my precious little babies tonight- may we hold each one in our arms in November!

PS- I am sitting here watching my DVR show of Oprah from last week- and Celine Dion is on showing off her beautiful new twins. I am so encouraged to know that she conceived these twins on her SIXTH attempt at IVF!!!! I have some hope:)

Trigger tonight!!!

So in 3 short hours I will be taking my trigger shot (pictured above), and stimulating the follicles to ovulate the eggs I so hope lead to us holding our precious babies in our arms soon. I am feeling pretty yucky and really want this to be over!!! But I know it is for the most worthy cause ever!

I will be going to work tomorrow as usual and try to make it through a whole day- then Tuesday bright and early at 7am we have to be at the clinic to harvest all these eggs!

We covet your prayers during this time as we need as many eggs as we can possibly get- if this doesn't work we need embryos to have to do surrogacy with. Thank you for coming on this very long, very emotional journey with us. We could not have made it here with out our friends supporting us so completely!

I also want to give a shout-out to my special friend Tammy, who started her BCPs today in preparation for her DE cycle coming up soon. I'm praying for Tammy and so hope that this is your cycle sweetheart!

Almost ready!!

So went to the clinic this morning and we have some seriously large follicles!!! About 6-7 on each ovary! My estradiol has soared up to 1553 and boy am I feeeling yucky.

So the plan is as follows: trigger shot on Sunday at 11pm and then the egg harvesting will be Tuesday morning at 7am!!!

We are feeling so hopeful and really are praying that we can carry these embryos out to a blast. If we can they will be transferred back into my uterus next Sunday Feb 28th.

I will keep you up to date on all the happenings of our exciting week!!!

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Meditation CDs from Circle and Bloom

I have mentioned several times that I am doing a meditation CD set to try to relax and reduce my stress this cycle. Several of you have written and asked me for the name and I keep meaning to do a post about it- so here goes.....

The picture above is a shot of the CD set cover and I can not say enough wonderful things about this program. It is a 4 CD set from Circle&Bloom and they have a guided meditation that you listen to every day of your cycle from 3 Pre-cycle days all the way through the beta test, even special ones for the dreaded 2ww! So basically about 18 sessions, 2-days for each session.

I HIGHLY recommend this to women who are looking for ways to increase their IVF /IUI success and maybe can not afford acupuncture or other methods. The whole set was $69, and is fully refundable if you are not satisfied. You can download them or purchase the CDs, and it s made so that the Egg retrieval and transfer sessions can be listened to during the actual procedure! How cool!!!??? I really love them- they are not too long (about 13 mins each) and they are SOOOO relaxing I end up falling asleep. Which probably is not the best because you need to be awake to get the full benefit.

If you are interested in purchasing them please go to this website: Circle and Bloom.

Good luck my friends- and baby dust to you all!

Stimming Day 5

So after 5 days of stimming with 350 units of Folli.stim and 2 vials of Repro.nex each evening-My ovaries look something like this. Full of follicles!!! My estradiol today was 573 up from 202 on Tuesday!!! Its still rising nicely. The US this morning was pretty good- my lining is looking great (3 layers like they want) and the follies were about 10-12 mm, and it was estimated that I had 8-9 follicles that were big and right on track. We compared to the last cycle n this same day of that cycle and my estradiol was lower than today and I also have several more follies than I did then.

So we are trucking along- staying on the same doses of meds each morning and night and we will check back in on Saturday morning. It looks like they will be harvesting the eggs on Tuesday and embryo transfer on Sunday. This is perfect timing because I am throwing my girlfriend Amanda a baby shower in my house on Saturday Feb. 26, it would really not be a good thing if my transfer fell on that day.

I will take pictures when that time gets here so you can see the shower. I am actually doing okay with this, not emotional about it- just happy to bless a friend who I know would do the same for me if it actually was me.

We will go in on Saturday again and I will let you know then what the verdict is!!!!!