Can we say in debt???

Well it's official. Sweetness and I signed the loan papers yesterday. We now are officially really rich, no actually really in debt!! But it will all be worth it if this brings us to our baby!!!

We were actually quite excited. And it's not as if we can not afford the loan payment, we have expendable income each month, but now we do not!!!

On other fronts, I am scheduled for a colonoscopy on Monday. Just one more thing to check off my list to get ready for cycling at the end of June. I have lost another 3 pounds, but it sure is hard. We have not been going to the gym regularly. I work so many hours, I just have no energy at all after work, and I have to be at work by 7 so there goes the morning!!! Ughhh, but every little bit helps.

And lastly, I am going this week to get my TSH checked again, now that I have been on it for 5 weeks, and hopefully it will have come way down!!!

That's about all the updates for now. We are headed to my grandmother's this weekend to help pack her up and move her back to my mother's place. She has really reached the point where she can not live alone any longer. But we don't mind her at all, in fact we LOVE her being around, she can play a mean game of cards too!!!! :)

Ya'll have a great week, and I'll update again soon!!

Things are moving right along!

Hey ladies!! Well I just wanted to stop in and give a quick update. I have been so unbelievably busy, work is killing me, and I am just exhausted. I have lots of pictures to upload, and have no time...... UGH

Well I am still trying to keep dieting, although I have not lost more than my original 6 lbs. Getting to the gym regularly is another story.

The colonoscopy we need to have done has now been scheduled for Monday, May 24th. I still need to find someone to fill in for my class, but I am sure I can do that.

And I have not yet gotten my follow up blood work done yet to see if my thyroid levels are now where they need to be, since being put on Synthroid 4 weeks ago.

And we also received a huge blessing!!!! One of Sweetness' very best friends from college called us yesterday and her sister-in-law had purchased all her injectible meds to do IVF. Well she actually got pregnant the month before they were to start IVF and now she has all these expensive meds that she is getting rid of. They don't expire until 9/2010 so they would be perfect for us if my doctor will let us use these particular meds. So I called my nurse today and asked her if my doctor uses these 2 particular meds, and she is going to call me back tomorrow to let me know what he says. This could literally save us between $3000-$5000!!!! God has really been with us on this journey, and I really feel that this is more conformation that this IS the right timing.

Well I have more to update, but I have to teach tomorrow from 8am-1:30pm and then 5-10:30 pm!!!! I am going to be dead by tomorrow night- but at least I have a job!!!

Thank you again for all the comments, emails and texts. We appreciate all you guys do to make us feel loved and not alone! Will update again this weekend with pictures from this past weekend.

Mother's Day

Well as you can imagine, Mother's Day is a hard time for an infertile such as myself. It is a very painful reminder of a barren womb and empty arms. But I am going to try not to dwell on what I do not have on this Mother's Day, but rather on what I DO have.

I have the best mother any girl could have ever wanted. She put me first from the day my father walked out and left us when I was 9 months old. She tried to be everything to me, and she was. She put off remarrying because she had a child to raise. SHE sacrificed her whole life, when she didn't have two nickels to rub together, I had new clothes and felt like all the other kids. I can never really convey what a godly woman she is. She brought me up in the faith, she took me to church, she showed me God's love in a very real way. I guess the best way to sum it all up is a quote I love by Abraham Lincoln in which he said, "Everything I am or hope to be, I owe to my Mother." So so so so very true. I love you Mom!!!!

And I found this poem about how hard mother's day is for an infertile, struggling to get through years and years of Mother's Days and I would like to share it.

"Happy Mother's Day”

It comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

The Prayer

Today Sweetness and I went to a friend's church to say goodbye to her and her husband as they move away to Pennsylvania. She is such a sweet friend and dear prayer partner. We will certainly miss you PJ and Tara.

After the service, we were all milling around and talking, and their pastor Dan Backens was hanging right there with us. I had one of those nudgings from the Lord to talk with him, that I have ignored FAR TOO MANY TIMES. Determined not to do that anymore, I asked him if Sweetness and I could speak with him.

After a very tearful short recount of our journey with infertility, he laid hands on us and prayed for us. It was such a moving prayer in which he asked he Lord for our miracle, he asked Him to open a door no man can close, and to open my womb. He said "Lord, DO IT, DO IT for this couple who love you." I was so humbled and peaceful after it was over. I could not thank him enough.

I bawled and so did my Sweetness, and sometimes when you keep suppressing these feelings day after day just to make it, when you finally let the tears fall, man do they fall. Like a waterfall. It was like a tidal wave, but oddly I was not embarrassed, just thankful.

Thankful for a God that DOES care, that DOES hear our prayers, and that DOES DO MIRACLES! Do it Lord, Do it for us, and we will give you all the Glory!!!

National Infertility Awareness Week

So today begins National Infertility Awareness Week!!!! I am so glad that they actually have this designated to help people on the roller coaster we find ourselves on!!

I sure never thought or planned or hoped to be on this road of Infertility. But I cant say it is all bad. Sweetness and I have grown closer than ever, and my faith has sure grown! I hope we have a happy ending, but even if we don't, I will look back at the journey with fond memories.

So be aware of your friends dealing with infertility. Be compassionate, be kind, be considerate of what they are going through. We are usually pretty fragile souls at this point in the journey, and can use every prayer offered up on our behalf.

Thank you Lord for this journey, and thank you for the gift!

The Plan

It looks we finally have a plan......Yeah!!!!

After talking with the nurses at the clinic today we have tentatively decided on a plan and timeline for our IVF journey.

There are several things that need to happen before we begin.....
1- I was just put on Synthroid- and they want to wait at least 4 weeks to see if my levels get back to normal.
2- I need to have a colonoscopy due to some birth defects in my intestines that have been giving me some trouble. So we want to get that done before we get pregnant (because we WILL this time)
3- I need to have a hydrosonogram. I have already had one of these, but they want to make absolutely sure that there is nothing wrong with the uterine cavity as to why we are not getting pregnant. And for that I am thankful.
4-- I am going to try to loose some weight. The doctor's do not think it has anything to do with not getting pregnant, but it cant hurt and I could definitely stand to loose a few. HA HA

So with all of that said, we are shooting for the end of June to begin the IVF cycling, and looking to have embryos transferred in July. We have 8 months from when we begin to do the four cycles once we start.

So that is where we are at this point. I am pretty excited about it actually!!! Something to look forward to, and by Christmas, I hope to be pregnant!!!

Thanks again for all the prayers......we can feel them!!!

My motivational verse!!!!

This verse has always spoke to me, and even more so now that my fig tree is not "blossoming"!! LOL

But just in case anyone else needs a bit of truth from the Lord today.......

-Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the olive begins to fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.
-Habakkuk 3:17-19