Still waiting...... on Chloe......

Well we are still waiting..... Me and L are still in CONSTANT all day contact everyday all day by texting. She says she is feeling fine but is ready to get her out. So she had an ultrasound of her gallbladder early Monday morning and they told her she would know the results at her weekly appointment on Thursday. So we are all hoping that the doctor is going to make a decision at the appointment on Thursday to induce or something. This waiting is becoming unbearable really.

Updating from my last post, my nephew has cut off all communication with L, so she is feeling very anxious, but I think it is best really for the whole situation. As I have said earlier they are not good for each other, they are like oil and water and very volatile but they both can not seem to break that "habit" and familiarity of one another. So hopefully after Chloe is born they will go their separate ways and the drama of all of this will die down and they can both move on.

As far as the paperwork goes, I overnighted my nephew's to him, and his dad has taken him to get his signed and notarized and done today, and hers can not be done until after the baby is born, so we will handle it when the baby is born. She is an adult, her dad can not force her to do anything really, and she has assured me that she is going to stand up to him if he tries to assert himself in any way she does not want. So please continue the prayers we need them desperately. This is where we need the Lord to fill her heart and especially her parents, and to let them stop making this so hard on her. They WANT her to give the child up anyway, I just will never understand why they continue to make it so difficult for her.

But I will continue to keep you updated. Thanks for all the love and prayers.

Im just so over the drama of it all

Well just when you think it is all going to happen and everything is all fine, something happens and it all comes crashing down.

Well my nephew and birth mom, had an altercation and something happened that I will not put in print here, but it was substantial enough that now they have cut off all communication and she will not allow him at the birth or to see the baby etc. So I had mailed L a copy of the adoption forms she has to sign for us to take the baby from the hospital so she could see what she was signing. Well they were address to HER. Her father confiscated them, she said and took them from her and would not even let her open them. Apparently her took them to a lawyer to have them reviewed which was fine except that it is a federal crime to open someone else's mail, he even had to go to the post office and sign for it- so not sure how that happened.

Anyway, she finally saw them, she even has mailed me an openess document of what she wants as far as how often she wishes to see Chloe, which is not often at all, and pictures report cards etc.

So now, that my nephew has done this thing, his father is kicking him out of his house, remember he only let him live there for me to be near L for the birth, and now I need him to sign the papers which now L's father has confiscated for a second time.

So I am overnighting a second copy of the papers to my nephews father who he is staying with, so he can sign his part, and then "supposedly", L is coming over on Thursday to sign her part. But here is the question, can the papers be signed before Chloe is even born??????? Please someone take me away from all this.....

If you can even keep up with all this petty drama you are lucky, but further more, L is all worried about how am I going to see her at the hospital. What??? Like knock on the door?? She is so petrified of her parents, I am just flabbergasted. Who treats their children this way? And besides she is 18, she can do what she wants. I just can not believe she is THIS afraid of her parents.

I am so stressed right now I cant stand it. I am trying to keep repeating to myself, let go and let God. Just let Him work it out. But my heart so desperately wants to love her, we are soooo close and now all this petty drama.

Her father wants her to place her for adoption, so why play these petty games?

I told Sweetness a bit ago I am this close from walking away from all of this. I cant take it anymore, I'm going to end up back in the hospital again, and of course look like a fool to everyone who I have told it looks like we are getting the baby....

Nothing is easy with this,, nothing ever is. My heart aches for Chloe, so who gets to love that poor child I don't know........

So I guess I may know something tomorrow when she has that gall-bladder test she is supposed to have in the morning, ill let y'all know...... and so the drama continues

Why are we a private blog???

Well just a quick reason as to why I had to take this blog private. A financial aid worker here at the university where I work told me through email that she was enjoying reading my blog. WAIT!!!! STOP....... WHAT????? Your reading what??? So after I picked my heart up off the floor, I asked her how she found my blog and she said a student came and was tell her how wonderful a teacher I was and how much she enjoyed having me as a professor, and she could not place the face with the name so she 'googled" me and found my blog. Well that's a lie, because I tried that and my blog did not come up.

Anyways, she exposed herself, and I shut the blog down immediately. Then I was flooded with emails from all of my friends why they could not see the blog. And I know this came at the MOST INOPPORTUNE time, right when Chloe was about to arrive. So I HAD to figure a way that every body could share in the joy of seeing my girl and follow the end of this very long journey to Chloe.

So if any of your friends who are still not authorized to view the blog and I KNOW who they are would like to read it, have them email me and send me their email address.. I will not be adding strangers. I'm sorry.

On the baby front, we are still waiting. She isn't due technically until Oct. 17th but she is about to pop and she is going back on Thursday to the doctor to see what they will, either induce or something. So I will be sure to let you all know.

Thanks for all the support and she has told me MANY times she will be signing the papers. so thankfully I think we are ready to get 'er done!!!

Love you all!!

Why are we a private blog???

Any Day Now.....

I know you all are waiting and SO ARE WE!!!!!

I am in constant everyday contact (TEXTS....LOL) with L, just waiting for the moment that she says she has gone into labor. We are on high alert!!! The stress of all this has landed me in the hospital actually!!! I actually could not believe it myself.

Quickly, Thursday evening, I cam home from work at 10:30 pm, and my right arm and hand were tingling as I was changing clothes and then as I leaned into the mirror to remove my earrings, I saw my right side of my mouth drooping down and my eye doing the same and I began to drool- and BOY WAS I SCARED!!!!

Sweetness hopped out of bed and we flew to the ER, and my butt never hit the waiting room seats and I was wished back to the back and with in 2 mins there were about 13 people all around me hooking me up to everything they had in that place and I was petrified- of course I am "Dr. Marsden" so I knew this was probably a STROKE- so I was praying hard!!!

So then I was admitted- and upstairs I went- to Room 336 to be watched. It was the brand spanking new hospital that just opened last month and it sure was pretty!!! And with new hospital comes the new technology. For the 3 days I was in- everytime a baby was born there a little lullaby is played over the whole hospital, and the tears silently fell.....

So the Diagnosis was indeed a stroke variant from a migraine-even though I did not have a headache at the time!!!! Its a long story, but Ill have to explain later- but this is all brought on by stress.

But the point of the blog post- it looks like there will soon be a happy ending to all this stress I have endured for sooooooo long!!!!

So birthmom just said her sticking point between us and the other family with catholic charities is they will pay all the medical bills. Wow. Its always about Money. So she asked if she signed Chloe over to us, would we pay her medical bills? we agreed because she DOES have insurance under her father, and she will be in-network at that hospital, and all of Chloe's nursery costs will be covered under my insurance as my dependant, I think somehow we can swing it! But it certainly puts a new stress on it now doesn't it???

But the Lord Almighty has brought this sweet one to us, and He will work this out. But I just racked up a hefty medical bill myself with my STROKE this past weekend..... but man are we ever so thank ful.

I praise the Lord God- for it All--- and when I first hold my sweet baby girl- every last one of you will hear my screams of delight!!!!

I love you Chloe- hurry up and get here!!!

The time is getting close

Just a small random update really.

L is still not in labor yet, she actually is at the doctor as I type. She goes every Thursday now for this last month. But my nephew whom I thought had his head screwed on straight has lost his mind apparently. He has apparently found a little part time on the side job while he is there awaiting the birth of his child, because he is soooo "bored". (Oh what I would do to be BORED). But come to find out this so called part time job is keeping him from making it to appts with L and specifically these very important doctor appts about the baby.

Last night Sweetness and I let him have it. L is texting me crying and all this because he wont come with her to the doctor (so simple right) and he is just sitting on the phone in silence with my husband. I am so over ALL OF THIS. Its getting to the point, where I dont care how it ends, it JUST HAS TO END. I am short of breath all of the time, migraine headaches not to mention the tight chest, and my doc says it is the extreme stress I am under. Because I am young my body is handling it in a different way, If I was an older person I would have had a heart attack by now.

I dont want to complain, I love Chloe, I adore her, the thought of her; but I just want this to be a peaceful, happy and joyous occasion. And because of the extreme immaturity of two teenagers it is sucking the absolute life out of my husband and me until we can not take anymore. There has to be an end to all of this, and SOON.

Other than that, we are just waiting patiently for the call we have been dreaming of. That she is in labor. It can come any day. ANYDAY!!!! I have always wanted a little carseat in my car, well here it is---- my very first precious little carseat in my car. It makes me tear up sometimes looking back at it, but I am envisioning that sweet baby in it, cooing and crying and the joy that will fill my heart when I hear that very soon!!!!

Thanks guys for everything- Please keep praying now more than ever- that L will not be so mad at my nephew at his latest stupid antics that she won't even let him in the room during her giving birth!!! I will update this blog from my phone when she goes into labor and we are driving so you guys will know to pray. Thanks again everyone- Sweet Baby Chloe is fast on her way to our arms hopefully very soon- I can feel it!!!

4 more weeks.... then Chloe

I am so sorry I have not written an update since last time. to be honest I am so broken i have not even felt like rehashing all that happens daily and my heart is so totally broken by so many people and things but ill try to here quickly.

First of all I am so utterly disappointed in my family. We used to be a very close, praying family, but most of them are so self serving and selfish. The invitations to my baby shower were sent out to ALL of them for the shower on Sept. 24th and NOT ONE of them have RSVP ed to come, NOT ONE of them, and I have a huge family. granted most of them are out of town, but none of them have even called to say congratulations on your adoption, or better yet I have read your blog and I am praying for you--- NOTHING!!! I have no use for them- so I wont even be telling them of when and if I do adopt Chloe. I am so disgusted with them, it breaks my heart really.

On to the situation. SO MUCH has happened since I posted last I do not want to type it all out but basically it boiled down to this. I paid to fly my nephew home to PA, he is staying with his father in the same city where birth mom lives so he can go to appointments with her and be with her in general and most importantly be in touch so he can know when she goes into labor!!! Today they went to the doctor together and the doc said the due date for October 17th is still on, and no scheduled c-section is on right now. He also said baby girl is very healthy!! Then they called me and my nephew said she has one "condition" in order to give us the baby. OK- what is it? He said she does not want me in the delivery room when she delivers Chloe. OK. That's fine with me. Then I break down, sobbing, literally sobbing. He says she is right here if you want to say anything to her. I said well put her on the phone, he says she doesn't want to talk on the phone. I said well probably because she doesn't want to be called out on all her lies???

I started bawling again and said "L, all I have ever done is love you and love your baby- I don't know why you have done any of this to me and my husband. All I want is to love your baby and give her a beautiful life. If you will allow us to do that we will be forever grateful, but I can not handle this being strung on anymore this way, you are breaking me down for no reason."

So she finally said she will sign my attorney's paper's in the hospital and allow my nephew to take the baby across state lines to Virginia with us to allow us to adopt her here. I am so emotionally spent, its like I cant even get myself together to work I have cried so much!!!

So the baby shower on Sept. 24th has had to be postponed for obvious reasons, I guess she really wanted to make a fool of me. And now tomorrow birth mom and her mother are going to Catholic charities. I'm not sure what they are going to do. But I asked mu nephew why he wasn't going, and he said his dad had him doing some things around the house. What???? He needs to be at this meeting to find out what is happening with HIS BABY!!!

It seems I am the only one all concerned about this, I have absolutely no control at all over any of this- and I just feel so lost, so hurt, so angry, so broken. Why do all my students get to sit around and talk about all their babies, and I cant even participate??? Why does this have to be sooooo hard for us, when people take it for such granted???? I have friends having abortions because it wasn't convenient for them, and the they get pregnant again when it works better for them.... ARE YOU SERIOUS?????

I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND GOD, NEVER!!!!!

So now I sit and wait for that anxious phone call, that she has gone into labor, we drop everything and fly up there as fast as we can drive 500 miles, and see if she means what she says..... so I need more prayers and happy thoughts and good wishes than ever before. PLEASE don't forget about us this next month until I can write and tel you , my precious Chloe bug has been born, and she is in my arms!!

THANK YOU MY SWEET FRIENDS, YOU HAVE ALL BEEN SO KIND- CLOSER THAN EVEN MY FAMILY... THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!