Monday, November 30, 2009

I'm still here.....

Hey guys. I'm still here. Thanksgiving was a very nice holiday, but my mind has not been far from the reality at hand- still BFN HPTs!!!! So I know it did not work this time AGAIN, and really we are going to be done with this infertility road for awhile. It can become so all consuming and I don't want to keep living like this. I am still having a lot of cramping and my girls are VERY sore! I was hoping against hope that those were signs from the Lord that I was actually getting symptoms, but as a HPT today revealed, it was not to be!

Even though I am heartbroken, there is a bit of bright news. I received a call last Wednesday afternoon about a professor job teaching nursing students Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology. I sent them my transcripts and letters of recommendation yesterday and they just called this evening to set up an interview and teaching demonstration for later this week. This would be the first job I would have where you actually must have a PhD. I worked so hard for that degree but have never really put it to use. I knew this job loss would be for the best for me, and I really hope I get this job!

I know all you girls who have/still struggle with infertility know what I mean with what I am about to say. But I have prayed and pleaded with the Lord to let us get pregnant, I thought for sure He would answer yes in our time. Well, Lately I have poured out my tears to God and asked Him to help me accept HIS WILL for my life. If His will is indeed for us not to have children, right now, I can not say I am okay with that. But I am praying that my heart would yield to His will and be able to accept this reality, for now.

I am so happy for all my friends that are carrying their little miracles after such a long road. I will continue praying for all of you. Please keep us in your prayers as we try to step back from all the IVF madness and see if it happens naturally.

Don't worry I will update on Thursday with the official beta result.


  1. Heather, I am so sorry. I know how all-consuming IF can be. I will continue to pray for you, and that the Lord will bless you with children. My heart is broken for you, but sometimes from heartbreak can come the greatest joy (as you know, I know that all too well).

    Call if you ever need to talk! xoxo

  2. Oh honey, I am so sorry. I am still going to hope for a positive outcome. If not, know we are all here for you every step of the way!

    As for the job, I really hope you get it to. That would be amazing! I'll continue to pray for you honey.


  3. SOOOOO sorry. Will be praying for you guys. God still does miracles....we'll be waiting on with you. He's not done yet!