Monday, August 22, 2011

20 wk ultrasound today....

No not for Chloe.... She is already 31 weeks old!!!

But today surely was not at all what I expected. I arrived at work this morning to a sobbing student. I took her in another room and we discussed what was wrong. In a short version, she is 20 wks pregnant (which I already knew), and her boyfriend broke up with her last night and wants nothing more to do with her or the baby. But a caveat here, they broke up once before in march and she got drunk and slept with some guy she was in the Navy with, then her and her boyfriend got back together and she slept with him 3 days later!!! So there in lies the rub, she has no idea whose baby this is.

So her boyfriend originally told her he loved her anyway and was excited about the baby but now he says he cant do it...... (I kind of don't blame him really) but I was just trying to be supportive.

So then she says that today is her 20 week gender/morphology ultrasound and she doesn't want to go alone, and she was sobbing asking me if I would go with her?? So of course I said yes.

I thought I could do it, and just enjoy the amazement of it all....... Well I was kinda right, kinda wrong.

let me just say that the experience was AHHH-mazing!!1 I have never seen that amazing detail of the precious baby at 20 weeks. You could see all the chambers of his heart and all the parts of the brain. They measured his humerus and femur and he weighs a whopping 10 oz today. And then she was able to find out it is a BOY!!!! I was so thrilled as we stood there staring at the screen, in the darkened room, and silently as I stood behind her, I wept. I wept.

I wept for all that I will never have, never experience the life growing inside me, and never have Sweetness see the miracle I just saw today. My heart literally broke in two. As she got dressed I went to the restroom to get it together for her- after all I am her professor, and we drove back to school. I listened to her tell with excitement her mom and dad that its a boy, and the joy of the grandparents impending grandson. It was all too much.

So after I got back to my office I sat there and silently sobbed for a bit and let it all out. I told the Lord how unfair I think this all is.......... she gets to have a one night stand and doesn't even know who the father is and I don't get to have a baby to raise to love Him??? I just want to know why!!!

Well the amazing part is, I was still quite teary as my evening class was rolling in, and a sweet student named Kim came up to me and handed me a bag and said these are some presents for Chloe we all pitched in and bought you. I was so floored, the tears started again!! :) How sweet they were..... several Hello Kitty onesies and carters play suits and stuff. I guess the Lord sent what I needed right then to ease this agonizing pain.

Just thought I would share my 20-week ultrasound experience.

6 comments:

  1. This post shows your amazing strength and courage! Seriously, I'm in awe of all you do, while going through your own turmoil. You have a Huge heart and I just know some way some how you will be able to share that with your own child! Praying for you always!

    Janay

    ReplyDelete
  2. Could not agree more!
    You are stronger than you think my friend!
    Absolutely amazing!
    I love and admire you so much!
    She needed a friend today & you were that and so much more!
    Words cannot express how badly I want you to be happy & have your deepest desire fullfilled.
    Praying for you always!
    Tara ~
    Lifting you up, this night sweet friend!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, you are amazing. You are obviously the best professor ever. I wish that I could say that I would have done what you did for your student but IF has made me bitter and selfish. I give you an A+ for the day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe, just maybe, this was God's way of letting you experience a 20 wk scan....in His way.... Praying for you guys... and hoping that Chloe will fill your lives with joy and "sweetness".

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just heard about an earthquake in Virginia and for some reason I think you live there (if not I'm sorry) so I was making sure that all is well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes we do live in Virginian Nd that earthquake was scary!!! I have never felt one before but we are okay here in my area. We all went running out of the classroom to the outside and evacuated
    the building but no aftershocks as of yet.

    Thank you for thinking of us and we are all A- okay!!!!

    ReplyDelete