On the Edge..... literally

Okay, so it has been 2 weeks since I blogged , and I know you are all asking me what is going on. Well the long and short of it is I don't know.

I have had sooooo much happen the last 2 weeks that I could write in detail but it all boils down to this. The birth mom is a pathological liar and we have finally caught on. The last time we were to go pick her up, she texted of course (b/c she cant talk on the phone) that she fainted and was in the hospital. And frankly as tomorrow approached, the day were are to go get her again, has neared I was waiting for some similar happening.

Well sure enough last night she texts to say she is in the hospital and something may be wrong with the baby. I freak, she then waits 47 minutes to answer me and says she may not be growing right. Huh? And then I knew, here it was, and she has now stooped to an all time low. She was now going to use the baby to play with my emotions and her lies. When I called her on her lies and called her bluff, she admitted it. I am so far gone emotionally. I am a COMPLETE WRECK today.

This whole time, she and I have texted all day, everyday and everything is fine, she's coming, etc. and now this. All she has to say is "I'm scared, I cant come" whatever, but the lies and manipulation is really too much.

So today she wont answer if she is coming or not. She texts about ice cream and all this other crap but will not answer the question. My poor class knows whats going on because they have seen me crying, but I can not comprehend why she is doing this. She said last night that Chloe is still ours, and I told her no she isn't if you will not come down here so we can afford this adoption. She calls me her best friend, and I have listened to all her drama for 2 months daily now, but yet no courtesy or concern to just say I am not coming.

So about an hour ago I spoke to the baby's father, our nephew, and he has been texting her as well this morning and he is at his wits end too. He finally forwarded a message he sent to her, and he basically called her out and cussed her out. Someone needed to say it to her, but I have too much invested, I never can say "IM DONE". He also believes she may be psychotic and has said he has a bad feeling..... I am scared. He is afraid she would harm the baby to get back at him. Its hard for me to believe that, but I don't know her so......

Here I sit at work, a wreck....... I need some serious prayer guys PLEASE...... I really feel like I could have a breakdown although I don't know what that would feel like. My heart has been to hell and back through all of this and now to end here??? God do you have any mercy on my aching broken heart?

I honestly believe this baby was made for us. The Lord has made so many things fall right into place. We even have found THE MOST AMAZING lady to watch her. My heart is so broken, so empty and so sad. And everytime I open blogger another infertile has gotten pregnant. It really makes me so mad that all these people complain and bellyache about pregnancies and all this and everytime they do IVF they get pregnant. Had one with IVF #1 and now pregnant with twins on IVF #2!!!! Really God???? And I cant even have ONE BABY after 5 IVFS?????? as you can tell I am done today.

There are so many pics of cute things I have bought for her that I would like to show you and post here, but what's the point really? And her nursery looks PERFECT, better than I ever imagined, and it sits empty..... the rocking chair never used and all the beautiful clothes, shoes, hair bows and onesies all ready to be worn. It will be a long time before I can go in there and sell it all. A LONG TIME..... WHY God???? WHY????!!!!!

I wish I could crawl in a black hole and come out in 5 years when my reproductive years are over. Pray for me PLEASE.