My first visit with Brehanna

This past Friday I was off from work as it was the end of the 5 week term at work. So I decided to finally go visit my good friend Robin and her new baby Brehanna. I have not been over because of my obvious pain, but it was time for me to put the pain away and go celebrate the miracle of life with my friend. Here is Robin and her precious one.
Then it was my turn to hold her. I held her for about an hour, and it felt wonderful! There were certainly some tears, but it was so nice. When I first started holding her, she was wide awake and smiling at me! Then I rocked her to sleep, but it was truly a wonderful feeling to hold a newborn.

And here she is when she was wide awake, and talking to me..... looking perplexed here.....

then, kind of excited.....


Tthis was their 1 yr old dog Bailey. Boy was she hyper! She was fun to play with and I played fetch with her after holding the baby. Cute doggie!

This was such a nice visit, such a much-needed visit. I have not had a real long face-to-face talk with a close friend about this heart-wrenching journey I am on, until that day. I cried, she cried with me, and we felt the hand of God. It was food for my soul.....

Appt with Dr. O

Well today was our "what the...?" appointment. Sweetness and I sat in his VERY hot office, anxiously anticipating what he might say. Will he have good news? bad news? or still something in between as fall into the "I have no idea why you are not pregnant" yet.

Well we actually got some of all three. We looked back at our last cycle and the great part is, my embryos are PERFECT, no fragmenting, all 8 cells, just PERFECT!! The not so good is that my lining seems to want to give us trouble (hence me having a period in the middle of the last IVF cycle). And then everything else was in the "unexplained infertility" category. He feels very positive that we will get pregnant. But due to the period I had in the middle of last cycle, he is going to suppress my ovaries for a longer period of time for this upcoming cryo cycle than usual.

After this appointment, Sweetness and I went to the glitzy mall in that area of town, and walked together and shopped some. I thought then and there- "I really have an incredible life." No one has as wonderful of a husband as i do, no one has the mother I have, I mean I have SOOOO much to be thankful for!! SO it was a nice evening.

Sooooo the plan is whenever I start AF in early October, I will begin BCPs followed by Lupron etc, and looking to have a cryo transfer on Nov, 5-18 some where in there. I was shocked that it will still take so long, but I am working on getting healthier and praying with all our heart that this will work.

We also discussed the fact that if this cryo does not work, and we move onto another fresh cycle, we may use an antagonist protocol with Lupron and will try to do a Day 5 blastocyst transfer. We have a plan at least, boy it just seems to be a long way off yet!

The Lord has really given me a sense of peace about all this. My heart still aches when the pregnancy announcements come in our circle of friends (there were 2 this past week....seriously), but I still feel that the Lord will not leave us in this pain. He will bless us one way or another.

I have gotten so much better emotionally, that I am going over to my good friend Robin's house on Friday to see her newborn Brehana. It has been so painful to watch her and her husband get married after us and have this precious miracle, I think partly because we were so close, it hurt more. But I am so happy for them, and that baby is precious. Hopefully I will hold her without breaking down, and will take some pictures to show you here (if her mama says it OK) he he.

Thanks again for all the support offered here, I know many of you are still waiting as are we. See the beauty in everyday life, and some of the pain will ease. He sees our every tear.

Our first adoption meeting

Well as you all know last night we attended our first adoption meeting. I wish I had something exciting to say, but we left there feeling deflated! I mean seriously with all the children that need a home, and they make this so freaking expensive!!! $33,000 for a domestic infant adoption. Yep, $33,000!!!!

I mean just to start you have to give them $1000 for the application. Then another $1000 for the full application, the $3000 for the home study.....and there it begins. ARGHHH..... I mean we have just about bankrupted ourselves with IVF and such and now we do not even have a hope of adopting. Sure there are grants and loans out there for adoption, but we make WAY too much money to qualify for them. And this place we went is a christian organzation, which we like, however they state they are not for profit. But as Sweetness pointed out, then why are the base adoption fees on a sliding scale based on income? And of course we are on the highest bracket.

We both felt just Blech! after leaving there, and just regrouped and said now we just focus on the 3 tries we have left at our IVF.

I have to believe God has a plan! I have to! We love babies and children too much to believe the Lord wants our life to be just the 2 of us. So barring an act form God, we will not be adopting. Next Tuesday we have a meeting with our RE to discuss our FET in a couple weeks. Hopefully we can set up a better plan.

I know you guys were waiting for some news, so I wanted to give you an update. I am at work on a short break, so gotta run. Thanks again for all the prayers. We trust the Lord that He has a beautiful plan for our life- can't wait to see it unfold!

Alabama!!! Roll Tide Rol!!!!

Well hey ya'll!!! I am finally getting around to posting something fun and with pictures too!! :)

So last Saturday we went to Durham, NC to the Alabama vs Duke game. We drove down to my grandmother's first because she lives about 30 mins from the stadium. We visited with her and took some pictures in front of her house!

Here is the love of my life- better known as Sweetness, wearing his crimson color just for me!

Then here we are....

And again.....

and again.......

I just LOOOVE this picture! It has been such a long time since I feel like we took a really great picture! (the "A" on my cheek was drawn by my Mom, she used lip liner and it looks perfect!)

And a kiss for the road! We were then off to the stadium! WOOOO HOOOOO!!!

So we got to Durham, and boy was it smoking hot! I mean we had no idea it was going to be in the 90s! The weather man said 79. Well it got so hot, as we baked out there in the stands like pieces of meat, that we both had to go to the medical tent for awhile and cool off in the AC. We are both burnt up and have some beautiful burn lines:)))

Hence that is why in this picture, my crimson sweater is gone and we are in self preservation mode with the heat!

Duke's stadium is not all that big. But there was a sold out crowd of 39, 042 people in that stadium. Here's right when they were finishing up practice.

And the good ole' blimp was overhead taking some cool aerial shots for ABC.

Then it was finally game time, and Duke's band came out as they football players ran through them.

And there's my boys in crimson and white!!! I did even see Nick Saban pacing the sidelines like he does the whole game!

This is one side of the stadium during the game......

And here is the other side from where we were sitting!

To be honest, this game was not very good. It was such a blowout that it was hard to stay interested. The final score was 62-6 and I mean Alabama KILLED those blue devils!

So we decided to leave before the game had completed, because we had to walk oh....let's say about 3 miles back to the car, we were spent!

And you see ALLL SORTS OF PEOPLE when in large crowds. What was she thinking? Channeling tinkerbell maybe? LOL

And then you see this..... such a precious little one all decked out in Alabama cheer leading attire. She had the cutest houndstooth hair bows in her hair too!

And that's all folks!!! We had such a good time seeing my team!!! Next up, of course we must go see Sweetness' team in October, right back there in Durham (Chapel Hill).

Thanks for all my friends IRL and here in blogger. Your comments, emails etc mean a lot! And tonight is our very first meeting about adoption! I will give you all the details soon!!

Sorry for no posting

Girls, I have been in the rut. I have been so unbelievably tired, still no answers. My physical is THIS Thursday and I will hopefully get things turned around. I have been doing the minimal I can everyday just to get by and sleep some more. I know this sounds crazy but my body is tired

We did go to the Alabama vs Duke game this past Saturday and I have lots of pics to post for you guys to see. We got burnt to a crisp, baked out there for about 5 hours like pieces of meat under that HOT HOT HOT sun!!

I promise I will post about that tomorrow morning!! Also tomorrow evening is our first meeting about adoption. This is just informative and to see what all is involved to get the show started. I will let you guys know how it goes because I know several of my readers are also considering adoption, and know just about as much as I do.

Well I am headed to bed. Big surprise there! Ya'll have a great week in the Lord-
He truly has blessed us all beyond measure!

A visit with an old friend

Hey guys! I know I have not posted anything on here in really like a week! I am so sorry! But I have been unbelievably tired. I mean so tired at times I have felt like I was going to fall asleep while lecturing to my class. I have already had a sleep study done last year and I do not have sleep apnea or narcolepsy, but man I feel like something is really off. So I have had blood taken, and I will go next Thursday for a physical to see what is up.

There have been so many fun things that have happened that I need to post pictures of on here. We had that wonderful Labor Day get together at our house last Monday that I have yet to post about. And then this past weekend we went over to my old friend Allison's house.

I met Allison back in 1998, when we were both in medical school. Her husband was also there with us in med school. Well since med school, she has since earned her JD (juris doctorate- a lawyer) and her husband has since earned his MD- he is an anesthesiologist. I am so impressed with them!!! Well her hubby went into the Navy just recently and he got stationed here in our area, and we were able to reunite after like 9 years of not seeing each other. It was so much fun!!

When we arrived she was hard at work cooking dinner for us! Wonderful cuban porkchops, salad, rolls, fresh boiled corn and tea!!! MMMMMmmmmm good! She even made some Key-Lime pie! Awesome!

Since their house is about 2 blocks from the beach, we walked down to the beach for a bit! Here is Allison and Sean with their two sons, Jacob and Liam.

Then here is a pic of Sweetness and I, all decked in our Alabama regalia!

These were two of the cutest Pomeranian dogs I have ever seen! They were hanging on the beach too!

Then we came back to their house, and it was time for the Penn State vs Alabama game! Anyone that knows me well knows how much I LOVE ME SOME ALABAMA FOOTBALL!!! My blogger friend Melanie made me this really cool necklace and earrings . It has "Roll Tide Roll" stamped on the medallion. She is so talented.

Then it was time to watch them ROLL!!! This is Liam and I watching the game.

And here Jacob has joined us!

They were such great kids. Very sweet and exceptionally smart! We had such a great time! Thanks Allison and Sean for having us over. Now we can be friends that actually get to see each other some!

And one more bit of news. Sweetness surprised me last night, and said he was taking me to the Alabama game in Durham THIS Saturday as they play Duke at their home. My grandmother lives just outside of Durham so it will be a fun trip, and I actually get to see my boys play LIVE!!! I am so thrilled!!! You KNOW there will be pictures to follow that one!!!

Well until next time.....Have a wonderful day!!!

Sept. 11......9 years later

I have so many wonderful photos to post of the last week. And I will share those with you guys. But on today- the day that lived in infamy 9 years ago, I feel it is appropriate to remember..... to remember all the Americans who lost their lives, to remember all the firefighters and police who sacrificed that day, to remember all the heros that were born on that day.... to remember..... so that we NEVER forget.