I'm still here.....

Hey guys. I'm still here. Thanksgiving was a very nice holiday, but my mind has not been far from the reality at hand- still BFN HPTs!!!! So I know it did not work this time AGAIN, and really we are going to be done with this infertility road for awhile. It can become so all consuming and I don't want to keep living like this. I am still having a lot of cramping and my girls are VERY sore! I was hoping against hope that those were signs from the Lord that I was actually getting symptoms, but as a HPT today revealed, it was not to be!

Even though I am heartbroken, there is a bit of bright news. I received a call last Wednesday afternoon about a professor job teaching nursing students Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology. I sent them my transcripts and letters of recommendation yesterday and they just called this evening to set up an interview and teaching demonstration for later this week. This would be the first job I would have where you actually must have a PhD. I worked so hard for that degree but have never really put it to use. I knew this job loss would be for the best for me, and I really hope I get this job!

I know all you girls who have/still struggle with infertility know what I mean with what I am about to say. But I have prayed and pleaded with the Lord to let us get pregnant, I thought for sure He would answer yes in our time. Well, Lately I have poured out my tears to God and asked Him to help me accept HIS WILL for my life. If His will is indeed for us not to have children, right now, I can not say I am okay with that. But I am praying that my heart would yield to His will and be able to accept this reality, for now.

I am so happy for all my friends that are carrying their little miracles after such a long road. I will continue praying for all of you. Please keep us in your prayers as we try to step back from all the IVF madness and see if it happens naturally.

Don't worry I will update on Thursday with the official beta result.

Why??????

Well I did not make my resolution to not POAS before the beta test. Hubby was with me this morning when I did it, and of course it's BFN. I am 6dp3dt so it may be too early just yet, but other blogs have positive tests starting 6dpt. I am so bummed, I am so heartbroken. I feel like I keep making deals with God, if He would just let this be. But how ridiculous is that?

We are headed to my parents tonight for a few days for the Holiday. But I already have the feeling I know how this one will turn out too. Why does this suck so bad?

Our Sweet little Triplets

Hey girls! I am back! Thanks to my Sweetness for blogging on Thursday night to let you guys know how it all went. And now I am here with ALL the details and the pictures he promised.

So we pulled in Thursday morning bright and early to the New Hope Center. We were certainly full of that...... HOPE!
We had a few moments and prayers together and then we headed on in to get our babies!!!!

Finally after what seemed like forever, we were called back. I decided to wear my special Clemson socks......it made Sweetness happy! :)

Here is my babe all ready to watch all the excitement. Then as we sat there longer and longer waiting and waiting, he started to get silly.

This is when he decided he needed to pull the cap down over his eyebrows! Don't ask me.....maybe just nervous energy! But he was making me laugh and keeping me very calm!

Then they told me to go ahead and take my Valium, and then I knew we were on the way! It wouldn't be long then!

Then the embryologist came in and talked to us about our sweet little ones. As Sweetness told you on the last post, God answered our biggest prayer, that they would ALL survive the thawing. And they did!!!! Thank you Lord! We just wanted ALL of them to have an equal shot at life. She then told us that the one that is marked a 5B- was just as viable as the others. That precious one had already been dividing since they thawed them out on Wednesday! The grayish/black areas you can see inside the embryos are cells that did not survive, but they said not to worry, they all looked very good! Let's have a look at them shall we?

Are they not just precious? I must say, I follow all these IVF/infertility blogs and when you guys post pics of your embryos, they look much different than mine do. I don't know if that is good or bad, just an observation. All 3 of them were "hatched" with AZH to increase the chances of getting pregnant. We told Dr. Robin that we hope all 3 implant and we can take them home as live, healthy babies...... she told us that there is less than 5% chance of that happening. Well my God is powerful, and He is the author of life, and we believe that we could be in that 5% chance.

And of course the transfer was the biggest concern for Dr. Robin, as last time it was most likely the cause of the failed cycle. Well God answered more prayers again, making this the smoothest transfer ever! The catheter went RIGHT in, no problem, and it took less than 5 minutes. She told us to watch on the screen, on the count of three, and then poof there they were!!!!

You may have to click on the picture to see it larger, but those three white dots are my little frosties!!! Actually the embryos are microscopic, what you see is the drop of culture media that they are suspended in. Everything looked great and went just perfect!

So here we are 3 days in to the dreaded 2 week wait. I feel really good emotionally. I "FEEL" like it is working. I am having some cramping which everyone says is normal. I have been laying around for 3 days and today finally got out with sweetness and did a little shopping. The worst part of all of this is the heparin injections. These injections are every 12 hours, and they burn like crazy! My stomach looks soooo bad! I mean heparin is thinning my blood so at each injection site on my stomach the blood pools around it, and my stomach looks like it has been so beat up! Then the progesterone shots that Sweetness gives me each evening in my hip are sooooo much fun. Last night was a highlight......I always prepare the meds in the syringe. Well the Progesterone in Oil shots, you use a very large 18 gauge needle to draw it up because it is so thick. Then you are suppose to change the needle to a smaller gauge for injection in the muscle. Well let's just say I forgot to change the needle last night and he stuck that humongous needle in me!!!! it was totally my fault but Holy Cow!!!! I will never make that mistake again!

All this will be worth it. We know that fully, it is just very taxing on your body. I have made a deal with my Sweetness that I will not POAS before Dec 3rd. We have our beta test that day, and we will POAS together that morning to know what to expect. I am going to stay positive and trust in the Lord, His promises, His Perfect Plan for our life, and rest in His arms as we wait for the best news of our life!

If this does not work, and this is not God's timing, we are done. We have no more money for IVF, and unless God intervenes we will make a happy life just the two of us. I don't want to let myself go there, but if I don't maintain the possibility that it could happen, I will be even more disheartened if it does not go our way.

Please, please, PLEASE continue to pray for our little triplets. That God would protect them, and that they would grow healthy and strong, and most of all for HIS will to be done! Until next time......

Ending with a Scripture-

"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of Him."

-1 Samuel 1:27

The Big Day!!!

Hey All,
Since my babe is resting and recuperating, I (sweetness) am typing the blog tonight. The first (and best) news today was the thawing process. We have definitely been blessed by God in that all three embryos survived. We were a bit nervous when we found out one only had five cells, but we were relieved when we found out it was originally four cells at thaw, but had already began dividing.
So...the transfer went very smoothly and Dr. Robin was awesome as always. This transfer literally took five minutes, whereas the last transfer took an hour and fifteen minutes. We were really hoping my mother-in-law would be able to be there for the transfer, but unfortunately she had to leave due to Dr. Robin running late.
We have lots of pics, but they wont be posted tonight. Don't worry, they'll be posted as soon as my babe is able to get up and move around. Right now, she's resting and snuggling with the triplets. :)

We appreciate every one's prayers and keep checking in for the pics! Now I am off to take care of my babe!
Trusting in Him,
Sweetness

It's Beginning to look alot like Christmas around here!!

Well it really is looking all "Christmasy" at the Marsden house! And we love it!!!!

You can call me crazy for decorating so early, but I absolutely LOVE Christmas and want to enjoy my decorations! So I thought I would share some of them with you guys!

Here is our beautiful tree. When I was a kid, my mom had this hodge podge of ornaments all over the tree, some were handmade, some she made, some I MADE, but it never really had a "theme." So I always said that when I moved out on my own I was going to have a tree that looks like those in department stores. Well......I think I have accomplished my goal, with a spin on it that makes it uniquely ours! Let's have a look!

Notice we even have presents under the tree we just wrapped this evening! I thought I would share some of my favorite ornaments with you. This of course is one of my faves, Jesus is the reason we celebrate the season!
This is a Swaroski crystal star given to me by a dear friend several years ago.The colors on my tree are Turquoise, silver, and white/crystal. So two years ago, we went shopping at the Macy's after Christmas sale and I found these hand painted beauties! I have 2 on my tree and they are each one different. I love them!

I probably have 20 of these jingle bell clusters all over the tree. Love them!

These are some beautiful silver dipped leaves. Neat huh?

These are 4 hand blown glass ornaments that are clear with glitter paint on them!

And I just got this beauty today when I was out Christmas shopping. This is my first Christmas being married to my Sweetness, so I got this one personalized for us with 2009 on it to remember Our First Christmas together!

This is the mantle, decorated with our stockings. Notice the two doggie stockings for our fur babies Baxter and Maggie. The mantle has white lights underneath the fake snow, I forgot to turn them on when I took the pic. OOpps!

Do you just love these trees???? They are actually much more sparkly and glittery than the picture shows. Love it!

Some little decorations at the entry way.

And this is probably one of my fave decorations I have acquired over the years. This is a jingle bell tree that I spent a small fortune on back before when I had more money than sense. But at least it was a good purchase because all these years later- I STILL love it!

I hope you enjoyed some Christmas cheer in November!

Well I went to the fertility clinic today, and Dr Robin said everything looks perfect for our transfer of our frosties on Thursday! My lining has thickened up to 8.5mm and we are soooo excited! I had a catheter fitting and mock transfer today to try to avoid the catastrophe of our last transfer. It literally took 5 mins and everything was perfect!

My body is beyond sore with this cycle. I am taking so many injections a day (like 5), and pumped full of hormones it's a wonder Sweetness is sticking around! But he is so wonderful- my babe! Just to note, these heparin shots twice a day sting like crazy. My stomach is so bruised...... at every injection site there is a huge bruise. And then we had to start the PIO (Progesterone in Oil) shots last night in my hip. Well let's just say, Sweetness hit the muscle that I use to pick up my right leg to walk, and I have felt that shot with every step today. Hopefully tonight will go a bit better on the left. I don't mean to sound like I am complaining, just documenting. We both know when we hear those precious heartbeats......every shot, every hormone, and EVERY dollar will have been worth it! We are broke now from all this IVF stuff. This is our last shot, and we covet your prayers that this will be God's appointed time for us to become parents!

The transfer of the babies is Thursday and since I will be on complete bed rest for 48 hours, Sweetness will be a guest blogger Thursday night to let you all know how everything went.

I will talk to you guys after I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise!)

Ending with a Scripture: "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

-Romans 5:5

Clemson rolls over FSU 40-24 !!!!

Well we are home from the most exciting weekend we have had since our amazing wedding!!!!

We left Friday morning and drove 8 hours to Clemson, SC to Clemson University, the alma mater of Sweetness. So be prepared for TONS of pics, there were just too many of them to choose from!

Let's get started shall we?

Here is Sweetness and I, walking the streets of downtown Clemson enjoying all the game day festivities.

I got a purple paw painted on my left cheek.....
and an orange paw on my right cheek......

Here we are at the beautiful sign at the front of campus, I think the sun's rays are

really neat in this picture!

So we went and had some lunch, and watched my Alabama Tide some on the big screens. Here is my sweetness getting the party started with an Orange Bud Light!!

So I got an experience in some SERIOUS tailgatin' in the South!!! I have never seen such DIE HARD tailgaters. Here just as far as you can see; tents and trucks!

This was a real cool group of college boys that eventually spelled out

"CJ SPILLER FOR HEISMAN"- they did make it onto TV with their get ups!

So back to how serious these tailgaters are...... this is just one of MANY people that brought generators, their satellites and large screen TVs and watched football all day before the game! I mean crazy dude!!!

So then we met up with some friends and they were tailgating all ready! Susie made these awesome Tiger Paw brownies! So yummy!

This is "Howard's Rock"

The players rub this rock before running down the field to begin the game... it is a real neat tradition started by Frank Howard who was the football coach at Clemson from 1931-1971.

Here we are waiting in line at the gate to get in!

Awe......I love him so much!!! We were having the time of our life!

Our seats were so awesome, and we were very close to the Florida State band. They were so huge, I mean look at all these band members. They were a VERY good band!

There were about 80,000 people there with us...... look at all that Orange!

a self-portrait thrown in :)

the game is getting started here, the players rub Howard's Rock and then run down that orange carpet in the center of the balloon bags.

And here they come!!!!! Get 'em Tigers!

A pretty blurry shot of the Clemson band in the stands. They were a bit aways from us. But it was soooooo loud in that stadium. A surreal experience!

This is a shot that shows "Clemson Welcomes You To Death Valley"

Oh I forgot about this shot! I was so happy to see some people showing some love for my Alabama Crimson Tide! They had a sign up for Mark Ingram for Heisman! Cool! Roll Tide!

It's half time already???? Let's enjoy the bands!! Here are the incredible Marching Seminoles! This band was HUGE!!

Florida State's band had these fire baton twirling girls that were incredible! She was twirling 3 fire batons at the same time!

And here we have our favorite Clemson Marching Tigers!

Just a nice shot of the stadium in Solid Orange!

and again......I mean look at all these people!

And after a long hard-fought victory, we posed for one last picture before we headed back to the hotel! This truly was one of the best nights we have ever had! So fun! And most importantly, my babe got to enjoy his birthday present! I love you Sweetheart!

I hope you enjoyed our pics. We just got home and I have been working on uploading these pictures forever. I wish Blogger would get a new system for adding them- in the correct order!

But on the IVF front, everything is going splendid. It was a trip trying to take my Lupron shot last night at the game! But I got 'er done! This week is maintaining the status quo until Friday when I go back for more heparin labs, E2 levels and US. I can't believe we only have 11 days until we get our babies!!! Thank you all for your continued prayers- please don't stop!

Only 2 more weeks to go!!!

Well we are all packed and ready for our adventure this weekend. I gave Sweetness tickets to the Clemson-FSU game for his 40th birthday waaaaaaaay back in June. Well the game is finally here on Saturday!!! He is soooo excited, it's cute. So we are taking a long 4-day weekend and going to enjoy the drive there and back! We are leaving bright and early in the morning. I will take lots of pictures and share the whole experience when we get home.

On the baby front, today was "baseline day-" basically they do tons of blood work and Ovary scans, and oh yeah you have to pay them every dime you have!!!! This time was particularly hard financially because I am no longer getting paid, but we are trusting the Lord for His perfect timing in ALL things in our life. But the end result is that we are a go 2 weeks from today! It's hard to believe it's almost here! Please Lord let it be our time!!

I also want to say congratulations to two of y girlfriends who just found out they are expecting. Joe and Katrina, I am so happy for you guys; I think 3 is the perfect number!!! And Sarah, she and her husband have been through IVF 6, yes SIX times and she is indeed expecting her miracle!!! God does have perfect timing, I cant wait to share the journey with you girl!!!! God Bless you both as you grow beautiful, healthy babies!!!! Hopefully I will be joining you with the "pregnant" label soon!

Well off to bed before a very long weekend, full of fun! Go Tigers!!

A short Update!

Just wanted to update you all on what's going on! We have had a good week, and pretty relaxing weekend. We went out for a date/movie night last night, because we do not celebrate Halloween AT ALL. We went and saw the Michael Jackson movie "This is It." It was actually pretty good!!! Such talent, and such a sad ending.

On the IVF front, I am finally done with the BCPs. Now I am on estrogen patches to prepare my uterine lining, and soon I will start Heparin twice a day. On Thursday, Nov 5th is my baseline day for this cycle, so all the bloodwork and US to make sure everything is a go!

We are so excited and feel certain this time will be it!!! We are still looking at Nov 19th as the actual transfer day for my 3 frosties.

And back in June, Sweetness turned 40; and for his birthday all he wanted was tickets to the Clemson vs FSU game. Well the picture above is when he actually opened the tickets on his birthday. Let's just say there were a few tears, Bless his heart!

Well this Sat, Nov 7th is finally the game. We have waited forever for this it seems. We are super excited!!! We are leaving on Friday morning early and driving down! We are meeting some friends and tailgating so we will be getting the whole "football experience"!!!! Don't worry I will have lots of pics to download.

Please keep praying for us, we are feeling really great about this cycle, and we are Trusting the Lord for our miracle!!! Love you guys!