Still incredibly late!

Well I just STILL have not started!!!! I am about 11 days late now and AF is still no where in sight. I called the clinic on Friday and they said to give it another week until net Friday and if I have still not started, then I will have to come in and get a blood preg test so they can give me Provera. You take Provera for like 5 days and then it causes you to bleed afterwards.

The nurse Wendy thinks that because I want to get a new treatment underway, that my body is just not cooperating. Soooooooo needless to say we are still waiting.......

On another note, I was offered a full-time position with a very nice salary at my current job as a college professor. I have to let them know on Monday if I accept it, but I am going to. We feel so blessed by this in such a terrible economy.

Also, I have been "toying" with the idea of going back to school to get my RN degree at the school where I teach. The reasons I am thinking of this are multi-fold, but the most important one is job security for the future, you can get a job as a nurse ANYWHERE. And the more I teach these students, the more I think I would really like it. Not to mention I would get an 80% tuition grant if I remain employed while going to school. And there in lies the problem. We just can not afford for me to not work, so I don't know how I could feasibly really work 40+ hrs per week and go through a very accelerated RN prgm. I could be finished in 12 months, but just so much to think about!!!! So we are in much prayer of this decision and would appreciate my peeps praying with us. I will let you know when we make a decision.

I think it would be pretty weird to have a PhD going back to school to get my RN degree but honestly having a PhD is not so great in this economy!!! You are so boxed in as to what you can do.

I will update again once I know when we will start the Clo.mid. Talk soon! Have a great weekend everyone!

You know it is always the same result....

So tonight, I went out with 14 girl friends for a ladies night out, and it was a welcome end to a VERY long week. Sweetness and I are still anxiously awaiting beginning our first OI with IUI this next cycle. Well I am 3 days late, and of course I have been thinking this COULD be "it". But I never get my hopes up.

So after getting home from dinner, I almost begrudgingly took a HPT, and of course it's negative. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever get to celebrate and not ache. But I quietly just came back into the living room and sat down with my sweet husband and said nothing.

So of course when I want AF to come, she won't, when you dread it and feel like this may be THE month, AF shows up early. I don't mean to sound depressed, because actually I don't think I am, just frustrated at the continual roller coaster. I am ready to get off now......

New Clinic and lots of Hope

Sorry to keep you all waiting after my visit yesterday. But it actually went very well.

I met with the new doctor at my new clinic and of course already had all my records, testing and all that fun stuff. He talked to me for a long while about what I have had done and what he would like to do next.

So we decided that we are going to do 3-4 months of Clom.id and IUI together. We have never done this, we just skipped on ahead to IVF, mainly because we thought we had a better chance and pooled our limited funds to that. But this clinic is significantly cheaper than my old place. It is going to cost a total of $535 for one round of Clomid with US and IUI, compared to $1625 at my old clinic, that's why we never tried this way, because we thought it would take thousands to do this.

So as soon as my cycle starts which should be in about 4 days, I will call the clinic and then take the Clom.id for days 5-9, then US on day 13, trigger ovulation that or the next day, and then IUI the next day. Then wait 2 wks to see if we conceived. He said we are more than welcome to do IVF after we try the Clom.id induction, if it does not work.

I left there felling so hopeful!!! I mean we can afford this right now, and it feels like I am "doing" something. I know the Lord is in ultimate control but this feels very exciting again. Thank you for your prayers as we undertake more fertility treatments, but these cycles will be much less costly, and invasive. When we did the postcoiltal test at my old clinic, it was inconclusive, so maybe we do have a sperm-mucous problem, and by "air-lifting" the sperm to the top of the uterus, it will overcome that.

So to celebrate our new found hope, we went to eat and while we were waiting for our movie to start, we walked through the mall. Sweetness pulled me in to the Bu.ild-A-Bear store. I have never been in there before, but oh how fun!!!

We built each other a puppy dog, and Sweetness said he wants me to hold this puppy while undergoing all these fertility treatments, and we named it "Hope". He is just so sweet! We had so much fun, almost felt like we were being kids!!!

Then we went and saw the movie celled "Valentine's Day" and boy was it great!!!! Definitely recommend it. We had such a wonderful day from start to finish and I could not ask for more!

I will definitely keep you updated as we progress through these IUI cycles!!!
To God be the Glory!!!

Let the games begin again!

I know I have not blogged in awhile, just been so BUSY of course.....blah blah blah.....

But I had some news I wanted to share. This past weekend, Sweetness and I went on a double date with a friend of mine and her husband. I met her because she is the nurse of one of my top doctors with my old job. Well we of course got around to talking about IVF and how bad this whole situation sucks and how we are looking forward to what comes next.

Well she proceeds to text the doctor she works for because his wife (Lisa) is one of the head nurses at the other infertility clinic in our area, the Jones Institute. This is where IVF was INVENTED, they are the ones who made the first test tube baby! Well Dr. E texted my friend his wife's cell number and told me to call her. So yesterday, I gave her a call and we talked about what all we have been through and what they may think is the next step for us to having a baby.
Well let's just say it helps TO KNOW PEOPLE!!!! So they called today and Lisa was able to hook me up and got me a consultation with the top doctor there this Friday at 1030 am!!! I would be lying if I said I was not excited. I am SUPER excited, I guess just to hear what somebody else has to say about our situation.

One other thing is that at this clinic, they have what is called a "Shared Risk Program" If you meet certain criteria, you can pay a sum for a chance of 2 or 4 tries with IVF, but the catch is if you get pregnant on the first try, then you have paid way more money than needed, but if you need several tries to get pregnant, (like obviously I will), you are assured of the other tries all under that one fee. So we are going to look into this for sure.

I am really looking forward to moving this along, and certainly will let you guys know what he says on Friday!!! Please pray that the Lord's will would be done and what He has for us would be revealed to us and God will make a way if it is HIS will!!!!

Thanks guys!!!

Money and Hope

Well today I am feeling kind of blah. I mean this infertility thing comes and goes, and I really do have faith that we will be parents, but the when??? The why???

I guess I should feel some hope somewhere. We did our taxes, and our refund will enable us to completely pay off our loan we did for our 2 failed IVFs. So that gives us hope to look toward doing it again. We said we had to pay this loan off first in order to do it again, and the Lord has made a way.

With all of my friends pregnant, posting beautiful ultrasound pictures, my heart just cries, it aches, really wondering when that will ever be us. Sweetness is beginning to loose his very hopeful, always positive attitude. That makes me nervous sometimes. He is sad too and that makes me ache also.

I don't want to be a complainer, I just want us to have a family. Jesus, can you please take this pain away??? Would you give us our miracle? Soon???

A weekend to Remember

Well not too much has been going on with Sweetness and I since i posted last. I have been working some really ungodly hours, and will truly be glad when this 5 week "module" is over, and I start teaching some easier classes.

But Sweetness and I just got home from a wonderful marriage conference at the Founder's Inn produced by Family Life, called "A Weekend to Remember." It has been so fun to just get away with my Sweetness and learn God's ideal of marriage, and that they little things we argue about sometimes, really every married couple disagrees about. The speaker is hilarious, and we really laughed our selves silly!

On a good note, we are supossed to get a huge tax return back, and we will be able to completely pay off the loan we took out to do IVF. So hopefully maybe by this summer we can try IVF again. That is our plan anyway.

Each day I have been taking my BBT now. It does not really change all that much, and it just sometimes feels that my body is betraying me. I don't know if we will ever have children, but I certainly hope that the Lord will heal this deep pain in our hearts. The longer it goes on, the more desperate you start to feel sometimes. But infertility does not define us, it is simply a part of who we are.

Sweetness gave me a dozen Confetti roses today (my favorite). So sweet of him. We are going to dinner with family tomorrow evening at PF Chang's so it should shape up to be a real nice Valentine's Weekend. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend filled with love also!!!

How my life came to be filled with .....Sweetness

I have had several people ask me how I met Sweetness. So I thought I would do a blog post about how the Lord worked in such a miraculous way to bring us together.


I was just coming out of a very dark period in my life. Things seemed to be falling apart at the seams. I sold my house and moved about 30 miles south into a very nice apartment complex. The reason I chose this complex is because they allowed large dogs. Even though my babies are not Great Da.nes, they are not teacup poodles either!


Anyway, not long after I moved in, I noticed Sweetness walking his dog also around the complex and we said a friendly hello a couple of times. I began dating a different man, and unbeknownst to me, Sweetness had told my neighbor friends that he wanted to ask me out. Well after several months the other relationship was not going great, but I hate breakups so foolishly I continued with it. Well after speaking to Sweetness several times, he finally got the nerve up to ask me out. I thought "Hey, why not. He seems nice enough."



I remember it was a Thursday night, we went out for Mexican and had a great conversation, but I remember not being able to eat because I was so nervous around him. I thought that must have meant I really liked him! Well as we drove back to our apartment complex, we parked the car, and ended up sitting in the car for the next 4 hours talking. Most of you who know me IRL, know that my faith is a HUGE part of who I am. So because this was the first time we were really talking, I asked Sweetness about his faith and beliefs. Well to boil those 4 hours down, basically he was raised in the Catholic church, but currently did not attend, but was very open and eager to have a closer relationship with the Lord. So I invited him to church with me that Sunday.




We went to church that Sunday and every Sunday from then on. On the 45 minute drive to my church, we shared our hopes and dreams and I explained why my faith was so important, and all that the Lord had done in my life! Because Sweetness was not a christian at the time, I did not feel I could "date" him and I continued on with my other relationship. However I was developing strong feelings for Sweetness and missed him when I wasn't with him. He was quickly becoming my best friend.




Well on December 9, 2007 after church, Sweetness asked Christ to be Lord of his life, and his life changed dramatically! (Not that it was bad or anything, but when the Lord takes over your life, you are a NEW creature!) Not long after that I realized the other man was not for me, and soon began dating Sweetness. We grew together so quickly, and now had the common thread in our life of Christ as our Savior!




He proposed to me on July 26, 2008 and I knew without a doubt that the Lord had brought us together! (The picture on the top of the blog in the circle is the moment we got engaged!) He has grown into the most amazing Christian. He loves God with all his heart and I feel privileged to have been able to be a part of leading him to the Lord.




We were married 6 months later and I am still amazed when I look back at the amazing circumstances that brought us to this place!!! I adore him. I can't imagine life without him, and and so glad I don't have to.




Thank you Lord Jesus, for knowing exactly who/what I needed in a man, and fashioned my Sweetness to be my perfect helpmate in this life. I am so truly blessed to have this wonderful gift!


Ending with a scripture-

"Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm,and he guided them to their desired haven."

- Psalm 107:28-30